Next week, we will be completing Chumash Bereishis, which is also referred to as Sefer Yesharim, the Book of the Upright. This is because of the great men and women such as Avraham, Yitzchak, Yaakov, Sarah, Rivka, Rachel, Leah, the holy Shevatim, Adam, Noach, and many others who fill its pages. Calling Chumash Bereishis by the name Sefer Yesharim highlights one of its primary missions: we should learn from and emulate the lifestyles and behaviors of these great people. In a similar vein, we are taught, “Derech eretz kadma l’Torah,” moral and ethical behavior, what we call mentchlichkeit, precedes the formal accounting of most of the 613 commandments.
Sometimes these teachings are obvious and stated expressly, such as Avraham’s kindness. Other times, we need to be a bit of a sleuth to unearth precious gems from Bereishis. Here’s one such example. One of the great tragedies in the life of our forefather, Yaakov, was the tragic demise of his beloved wife Rachel at a very young age when she was giving birth to Binyomin. Yaakov would later say, “Meisah alai Rachel,” which is interpreted to mean, “Rachel died because of me.”
This chilling statement can be understood by recalling another dramatic comment that Yaakov made when Lavan was searching for his teraphim, the idols that he found missing after Yaakov and his family packed up their belongings to leave. “Im asher timtza es elohecha, lo yichye,” Yaakov Avinu said. “With whomever you find your gods, he shall not live.” Unbeknownst to Yaakov, his wife Rachel, in an attempt to reform her father, was the one who took the teraphim. She also wanted to ensure that the teraphim did not give Lavan advance notice that Yaakov and his entire family were escaping. Unwittingly, Yaakov’s curse devolved upon Rachel and caused her an early death.
Our Commentators grapple with the puzzle of why the saintly Rachel deserved to die. Some say it was because she caused her father anguish by stealing his precious teraphim. However, many explain that the fault lay in the fact that she didn’t consult with her husband Yaakov and learn his opinion before stealing the teraphim. Of course, if she had asked Yaakov, he would have never uttered such a curse.
The same lesson can be derived from another tragic episode in the life of Yaakov: namely, the horrific violation of his young eight-year-old daughter, Dina. In retaliation for this terrible atrocity, Shimon and Levi punished the entire city of Shechem. Yaakov was displeased by their behavior and, many years later on his deathbed, he would issue a curse to Shimon and Levi concerning their behavior. “Arur apam ki az v’evrsam ki kashasa – Cursed is their anger (Shimon and Levi’s), for it is strong, and their wrath for it is fierce.” Because of this curse, they both would lose their portions in Eretz Yisrael. Again, our Commentators explain that the primary error of Shimon and Levi was that they failed to consult their father Yaakov before engaging in the monumental attack against the entire city of Shechem.
In yet another enigmatic event in Chumash Bereishis, we again come across the same lesson. The Torah informs us that Reuven took his father’s marital bed out of the tent of Bila’ah and moved it into the tent of his mother Leah. As an explanation of this behavior, Reuven defended his action by exclaiming that it was enough that, “My mother (Leah) had to be second fiddle to Rachel. Should she also be secondary to Bila’ah as well?” Once again, Reuven paid dearly for taking the law into his own hands and not consulting with his father Yaakov. As a result, Reuven, as the firstborn, was slated to have the royal line in his family. Furthermore, as the bechor, he was supposed to have the duties of the kohanim. However, on his deathbed and referring to this incident, Yaakov said to Reuven, “Pachaz kamayim al tosar” – “You are hasty like water,” and therefore you shall not excel. This time as well, for being rash and not first taking counsel from his father, Reuven lost the monarchy and the kehuna.
That the Torah, in our Sefer Yesharim, repeats this lesson so many times points to the fact of how vital it is in our daily lives. Many problems are caused because people have not learned the lesson of taking the time to ask before doing something. Much marital friction could be avoided if spouses would learn the importance of consulting with their mates before making a decision or doing something important. Children should learn from here the necessity of conferring with their parents before making any kind of major decision, especially when their parents are supporting them. It is similarly good advice to consult with your superior at work before plotting any new course of action.
Of course, this concept reminds us how important it is to have a rav, someone with whom you ask how to behave in complex relationship situations or how to resolve halachic dilemmas or doubts. As the Mishna insists in Pirkei Avos, “Aseih l’cha rav – Make for yourself a rabbi.” If your rabbi was great but is now in Shomayim, you must find a new one. Also, remember another warning of Pirkei Avos, “Lo habai’shan lameid – One who is ashamed to admit that he doesn’t know will never be learned.” In our bentching before Rosh Chodesh, we ask for a chaim of yiras cheit, for a life of being sin-fearing. Because one is afraid of making mistakes, which might lead to sinning, the sin-fearing person assuredly has a rav!
When it comes to marriage, I must add a caveat. Many times, spouses, especially a wife, will be tempted not to ask her husband before doing something. When things subsequently erupt into an argument, her upset husband will ask, “Why didn’t you talk to me about it first?” She will often defend herself by responding that, “I knew already that you would say no.” Thus, a necessary part of this equation is for couples to make sure that they give each other a chance to fully make their case and take great care not to make the mistake of just giving a perfunctory “no” when their spouse makes a request.
In the merit of learning from the ways of the Torah, may Hashem bless us with long life, good health, and everything wonderful.
Transcribed and edited by Shelley Zeitlin.