Dear Dating Coach,
I have been dating someone for a while. I tend to do this until it becomes apparent that we have no future, and then we go our separate ways. This is starting to feel like a waste of time, and I really want to get married. But as long as someone asks me out again, I usually just say yes. I don’t want to keep doing this, but I’m pretty sure I’ve lost the ability to assess how long I should date someone before moving on. I would appreciate some sort of timeline that would allow me to assess if the person I’m dating is a good bet for the future, not just for another date.
Date to Date
Dear Date,
We have another driver in our house. This means it’s time for (Prayer? Meditation? Medication?) driving lessons. There is a large parking lot not far from us that serves as a great place for that first lesson without the threat of (totaling the car!) other drivers. The drawback, however, is that you are driving from nowhere to nowhere. You circle the parking lot (again and again) until you are right back where you started. Soon even the thrill of driving for the first time wanes as you take in your journey to Nowheresville. We want to get somewhere, and when we don’t, the appeal just isn’t there.
Instead, follow the Rule of 3 to date decisively; 3 dates, 3 weeks, 3 months.
3 Dates
After three dates, you should know if there is any connection and any level of attraction. If there is, you should continue dating. If there is a level of disconnect, apathy, or absolute disinterest, you should not continue dating.
3 Weeks
After three weeks, you should be sure that you are able to communicate well and have shared values and goals. You should have formed some level of connection and have an appreciation for their character and personality. If this exists, you should continue dating. If your hashkafa does not match and your personalities clearly clash, you should stop dating.
3 Months
After three months, there should be some sort of commitment in place. If not an engagement, then at least the clarity that your relationship is definitely heading toward an engagement. If this is not present, you need to move on. If this is present, then of course, we wish you a lifetime of happiness.