Dear Readers,
Years ago, a shidduch came about through my column. I am presenting a letter of a person whom I personally researched and have set up on dates. Our shidduch crisis is challenging. This column is my effort to make a dent in the crisis. I want to share two stories. A man was stranded on a desert island. He davened [prayed] to Hashem to save him. Hashem sent a boat. He did not get on the boat. Then he sent a plane. He did not get on the plane. He ended up passing away on the island and when he went up to Shamayim, he complained to Hashem. Hashem told him “I sent a boat, you decided not to get on, then I sent a plane and you still chose not to get on.” We are all imperfect. Remaining single is hard. Maybe some flaws that you feel are deal breakers should not be deal-breakers. Hashem runs the world and we can never tell anyone that they are at fault for their predicament. Nevertheless, it is prudent to look for the things that are most important to you and to try to be flexible in other areas when seeking a shidduch.
The second story teaches us how doing a small act of kindness can change your whole life.
Ahuva, a 9th grader in a relatively new bais yaakov type high school was nervous on her first day of high school. Chaya, a popular and well-liked 12th grader came over to her and saw she was new and apprehensive. Chaya gave Ahuva a hug and told her “Don’t worry, you will be happy here! It’s a great school!” Chaya and Ahuva remained in touch over the years. Three years later, when Ahuva was a senior in high school, she decided that she had the perfect shidduch for Chaya. Ahuva called her grandmother and told her about this special girl, Chaya, who she will never forget made her feel so comfortable on a hard day. Ahuva said she would be perfect for her uncle, who is only four years older than her. The rest is history as they say and, baruch Hashem, a beautiful shidduch was made! This special girl’s love and hug at a fragile time opened a door to find her shidduch. You will always win when being kind to others. Below is a letter I received from someone who read last week’s article and responded.
Dear Dr. Yael,
I read last week’s article and wanted to respond. I am writing to you in the hopes of reaching someone who may be a good shliach or a good shidduch for me. I too am a divorced father in my 50s with several children who are currently adults. I learned in several yeshivas for a number of years, and I still enjoy learning very much. I am a successful professional working in the banking industry. I take my Yiddishkeit, my job and responsibilities seriously.
I am personable and well-liked. I am a kind and empathetic person and in my free time I also like sports and current affairs. I enjoy the outdoors, going for walks, traveling to new places although Israel is still my favorite place. I am well-read and able to have conversations with many people from different backgrounds. I have lived on multiple continents and am thus open to someone who comes from outside the U.S.
Thus far, I have not yet met the right one and would appreciate any help you may kindly offer.
I am looking for help in terms of finding someone who will be my best friend to marry and spend the rest of my life with. Ideally, I would like someone who is also well-educated and intelligent, who is also a professional although I am able to be flexible on this. I am worldly and am looking for someone worldly, but I want someone who is grounded in Yiddishkeit as well.
I’m looking for somebody who is giving, has a warm personality and who is kind and caring and flexible. Someone who does not take herself too seriously, who is emotionally available, and who is stable. I am looking for someone who is friendly and hospitable and enjoys hosting guests on Shabbos. Ideally, I would like someone who has some extended family in New York as some of my family lives outside New York. (There is a chance that I would move to Israel eventually although this is NOT a deal breaker.) I am politically moderate, leaning conservative and am not looking for someone who holds fanatical political views in either direction. I do not believe in having extensive lists of criteria in respect to my potential match. Obviously, chemistry plays a big role, and the rest is up to Hashem!
References are available upon request.
Thanking you for your kind offer of assistance.
Single and looking for my bashert
Dear single and looking for my bashert,
Thank you for reaching out and for putting yourself out there. I am printing your letter to see if anyone has any ideas for you. I hope you find your best friend and bashert very soon!
Hatzlacha!