Question: Seemingly the only place in our Torah where the matter of a birthday celebration is mentioned is regarding the birthday of Pharaoh. The only birthday celebration that we as Jews celebrate is a bar mitzvah – a young man’s 13th birthday. Is there greater significance to that day more than to any other?
Yitzchak Gutman
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Answer: You make an assumption that one is not allowed to celebrate a birthday. The mere fact that the Torah specifically mentions the birthday celebration of Pharaoh seems to suggest that some people were actually doing so already at that time. I believe that every year that a person lives is cause for a celebration. The only difference, as you clearly infer, is that a bar mitzvah is a very unique birthday with far-reaching ramifications, as we shall explain further.
There are two allusions to the 13th birthday in the Torah – not relating to a celebration but to the significance of that milestone. One is the incident of Esau accosting his brother, Jacob, who was preparing a dish of lentils for his father Isaac, as it was the day that his grandfather Abraham had died. The dish was the Seudat Havra’ah – the bereavement meal that one prepares for the mourner – in this case, for Isaac. The Midrash says that that very day, Jacob and Esau turned thirteen. Abraham died in order that he not live to see Esau go out l’tarbut ra’a – to a life of committing sin – which was set to occur.
Thus, we see that until that time, though Esau might have been rebellious, he was not considered a sinner; it was only upon reaching the age of 13 that he was considered mature enough to be accountable for his actions, good or bad. It is a time that a young lad becomes a man and thus obligated in all the mitzvot of the Torah, both the positive and the negative.
We also find the same message regarding a boy who has attained the age of thirteen from the reference in the Torah to Simeon and Levi, two of the sons of Jacob – “each man took his sword.” This does not denote that it was their birthday, as they were not twins, but both were past their 13th birthday.
The bar mitzvah is the only birthday celebration that has such significance, and it seems to be universally celebrated by all Jews, even those who are unaffiliated or whose religious observance is otherwise minimal. Similar celebrations are held, by many, for a girl as well when she turns 12 and becomes a bat mitzvah – the time that our Sages have determined that she achieves her maturity.
The age of 13 is when a Jewish boy is first legally obligated to observe commandments (see Avot 5:25, Yoma 82a), and thus it is auspicious enough to involve both a celebration and a ceremony. The ceremony manifesting this new status is called the bar mitzvah which literally means the “son of a mitzvah,” indicating that the youngster has come of age and is required to follow the commandments as a full-fledged adult. At the synagogue, the ceremony commences when the young man is called up the Torah to receive an aliyah, which is denied to anyone under the age of thirteen. This serves as a means to publicly manifest his newly elevated status. In addition, there is the celebration; the common practice is to host a festive kiddush for family, friends, and fellow congregants. Very often there is also a special feast at which the young man and others deliver words of Torah, thus making it a seudat mitzvah.
The party is an ancient custom that we might deduce from the words of R. Yosef (Kiddushin 31a, Bava Kama 87a) who was blind and who stated: “If the halacha does not follow R. Yehudah whose view is that one who is blind is not obligated in mitzvot, but rather that blind people are obligated to observe the mitzvot just the same as those so gifted with sight, I would make a special party for the rabbis.” In other words, the obligation to perform mitzvot was deemed by him such a joy that it would mandate a party. Accordingly, a young boy now being obligated to perform mitzvot is just such a joyful occasion that would merit a party.
This birthday, however, comes with certain significant changes that affect both the young man and others. According to the Talmud (Niddah 45b-46a), “When a young man attains the age of 13 and one day, his vows are sustained and his father no longer has the ability to void them; similarly, a girl of 12 years and a day.”
Additionally, at that point, he can bear witness in court, which might be to the detriment of another. If he arrives at the synagogue and there are only nine men present, his presence immediately constitutes the minyan of ten to allow for the congregational prayer service.
At 13, a boy becomes liable for his sinful violations and can be punished by beis din. But this is not true of those sins that are punishable at the hand of Heaven (i.e., kares). For these, he will not be liable for punishment until he attains 20 years of age.
In that regard, whereas until that point the young man’s father bears responsibility for his transgressions, at age 13 and a day that responsibility ceases. Thus, it is proper, according to the Midrash (Bereishit Rabbah 63), for the father to make a declaration in the form of a blessing: “Baruch she’patrani me’onsho shel zeh” – Blessed is He who has absolved me of the sins of this one.
There are others (Levush based on Rambam Hilchot Teshuvah 6:1) who hold that the son must issue a similar declaration absolving him from any of his father’s transgressions, as the Torah states (Exodus 34:7): “poked avon avot al banim” – He recalls the iniquity of parents upon children. However, in practice this is one of those halachot that are halacha v’ein morin kein – not practiced for the most part. A possible reason is that to do so would be disrespectful to the father.
We thus see that the Torah regards this birthday as being like no other. Indeed, the celebration on this particular birthday is one that is uniquely sanctified, not just an occasion for frivolity.
To be continued.