Dear Dating Coach,
The same girl has been suggested to me by a bunch of different people. I was really excited initially, especially since so many people think our dating would be a good idea. I got her resume and picture and everything looks really good. But I just found an older picture of her from a couple of years ago and she was really overweight. She looks like a totally different person! Now, I am nervous to go out with her and potentially like her. Call me shallow, but I would definitely not have said yes to her before she lost the weight. What if she goes back to who she was? I was really looking forward to meeting her, but now I am just not sure. What do you think?
Slim Single
Dear Slim,
I really wanted to go to the beach today. The sun was shining high in the sky, and there was nary a cloud. (Nary is a funny word.) The weather was a perfect 78 degrees, and the palm trees swayed softly in the light breeze. The ocean water shimmered, and the waves gently lapped against the shore. Perfect. Beach. Day. But I won’t be going. You see it rained yesterday. Like a lot. I needed an umbrella and rain boots. There were puddles everywhere and angry rainclouds. So clearly, I can’t go to the beach today. It rained yesterday. Of course. I knew you would get it.
Lettuce Love You.
Thank you for your letter. It is always so exciting when a shidduch is suggested by multiple sources. It feels so real. There are lots of people who can see you together! This feels like a “match” versus two “names” that might make a connection. Of course you were looking forward to meeting her. Especially after her resume and photo made you feel like this could be something great. You did your research and everything seemed right. But then you unearthed an old picture of her, and she looked completely different. She lost a lot of weight and you respect that, but you worry about her regaining that weight and how that might affect your feelings.
My magic ball is in the shop. Yes, it is possible for her to gain back the weight. It is possible for someone who had always been thin to gain weight as well (pregnancy, illness, stress, etc.). It is also possible that you will gain weight. Or lose your job or your hair. It is also possible for her to stay thin forever and open a Cross-fit. It is possible for her to start training for marathons. (This is not a great game.) The possibilities are endless. We can only take the information we have right now and the feeling we have in our heart to make a sound and good decision.
Date her. Find out about her. (Find out about her weight-loss journey.) See if you are suited for one another. See if you connect. And then make a decision with all the information that you have. TODAY. We cannot predict what life will bring. So instead, we pursue good middos, kindness, and good character. We seek out shared interests, hashkafa, and chemistry. And we look up at the sky, and if the sun is shining bright, we trust that today, it is going to be beautiful.