Hearing her take on today’s educational challenges, it is clear that the Rebbetzin set being a hands-on mom as one of her highest priorities and the empty nest syndrome must have hit her hard. Asking for the single, most important parenting tip she would offer contemporary parents, her answer is immediately forthcoming: “Time, time and more time!! Parents today are so overwhelmed; they find a myriad ways to occupy their children whilst minimizing personal contact. I know it’s very hard, because women work,” she empathizes, “…but they need you to listen to them. They need your presence.”
One Purim eve with her husband out and her boys in yeshiva, she spontaneously decided to bake hamantaschen with her youngest. They were both covered in flour when her husband returned, and she turned to him, laughing “Am I crazy?!” Of all the things she had on her to-do list, home-baked goodies must have been the least important. Yet her son had the time of his life. “Of course not!” he replied. “This is the most beautiful sight I ever could see!”
Mothers are hard put these days, balancing home, family and careers. But Rebbetzin Sarah exhorts them to invest as much time with the kids at home as they can – and not just for the children’s sakes. “It is such a blessing! Do this for yourself!”
A Heavenly Perspective
Dwelling on the unique challenges of our generation, she doesn’t limit their scope to child-rearing alone. “We hear so many stories of tragedy and dysfunction; such huge challenges in emunah.” When called upon to comfort people undergoing hardship, she relays a message from her father.
“Before the coming of Mashiach, Heavenly prosecutors will say to Hashem: ‘Why bring Mashiach to such a lowly generation?’ and Hashem will answer: “I shall present them with nisyonos, and you shall see with what grace they rise to the occasion.’ It is through facing our tremendous trials with emunah that we garner the zechuyos needed to bring the redemption, and every challenge brings Mashiach closer.”
A Mother’s Prayers
Prayer, too, is another way of investing in our children’s upbringing. How much davening, though, is really in our children’s best interests? Clearly, a careful balance is required.
“When I was a young mother of toddlers, my father, a”h, wouldn’t allow me to daven Shemoneh Esrei unless I davened in the early hours, before they woke up. We had a neighbor who was a great davener, but while her head reached the clouds her kids would hang from the chandeliers…”
On the other hand, she firmly believes one should never underestimate the power of tefillah, and that children must see their mother davening as well. Growing up, she would hear her mother singing Birkas HaShachar each morning. “Her favorite place on Shabbos was in shul, at Shacharis,” she reminisces. Returning from school, however, her mother was waiting for them, not facing a wall davening Shemoneh Esrei. “You need to know your home dynamics and set your priorities wisely. A baby screaming for a bottle, or complaining of a dirty diaper will obviously need more attention than your siddur.”
For the Rebbetzin’s sixtieth birthday, her children organized a family gathering and pointed at her tear-stained siddur, expressing their heartfelt gratitude: “Mummy always davens for us!”
“But,” she quickly clarifies, “I can honestly say I didn’t do that when they were younger. It is when the children grew older that I was able to daven.” To strengthen her point, Rebbetzin Meisels tells of a mother who married off thirteen children, and went in to the Slonimer Rebbe during a trip to Eretz Yisrael with her fourteenth. “I feel as if I have completed my mission in life,” she expressed herself, despondently. “Chas V’Shalom!” exclaimed the Rebbe, “you are now embarking on a mission – to pray for your grandchildren!”