July 10, 2026 Categories: Features / Marriage and Relationships
Lost My Drive
(The Jewish Press)
Dear Dating Couch,
I am in my late twenties, and it seems like every guy I go out with now wants me to “meet him” at a venue. I get that a lot of the time, the drive would be far for him, but only a few years ago, everyone I dated picked me up. It just feels like they are putting in the bare minimum effort to see me, and I am often nervous getting home by myself late at night. Is this just me having to lower my expectations? Maybe I am being unreasonable or high maintenance? I was used to that extra care and would really appreciate having it back.
Date Driven
Dear Driven, A friend of mine recently had a baby. I told her I would be sending her dinner. She told me not to bother. “I can just order pizza.” Well, duh. Of course, she could order pizza. She can also do laundry, plan a bris, and assemble new IKEA furniture while holding her newborn, but that’s not the point. After having a baby, there should be no need to open your apps and compare delivery fees. You should feel cared for and taken care of. You should feel seen and cherished. And that includes showing up with dinner. Pizza is definitely food. But a homemade dinner made by a friend? That’s love.If You Don’t Like My Driving, Stay Off the Sidewalk!
Thank you for reaching out. I get it. You are all dressed up, hair, makeup, the works… You take one last look in your hallway mirror and head out the door… to the subway. You don’t want to ask for too much. You get that driving can be a pain. You just remember, from your pretty recent past, that you did get picked up for dates. Then guys simply stopped assuming they would pick you up, and now your Uber app is working overtime. You want to be amenable. You are excited to meet someone with potential. Is asking to be driven just too much? Indeed, picking a girl up for a date is not necessary. You know how to drive. You do it every day. You can also easily order a car or navigate the train. You are also able to carry your own luggage, hang a picture frame, and shovel the snow. You can open your own doors, follow directions, and get an oil change. Obviously. And sometimes we do all of the things, either because we need to or because we want to. This does not mean that we don’t appreciate a held door, a lifted piece of luggage, or a lawn that has been mowed. These are just some ways that a man can show care and kindness. Of course, we can take care of ourselves. But allowing a man to be a gentleman makes a woman feel cherished. It does not minimize your capabilities. It just highlights his care for you. When a guy doesn’t pick up a girl for a date, it steals some of that thoughtfulness from the date. It diminishes effort and energy. It robs the date of the romance it could have had. That’s a loss to both you and to him. We certainly appreciate the effort a man must put into a date, the financial component, the planning, and the navigating. It’s a lot. Still, pick up a girl at her door. This sets the tone for your evening and for your potential relationship. You want to get to know her, you are glad to put in the work, and she is worth it. An Uber is always a possibility, but a guy who picks up a girl for a date? That’s the magic.
