Dear Mrs. Bluth,
I won’t mince words so, simply put, I hate my sister-in-law. Ever since she came into the family two years ago, she has done nothing but make my wife miserable with her snide comments and her showering my parents and sisters with compliments and gifts in order to outshine my wife, who, until then had been a loving, dotting daughter-in-law and sister-in-law.
Let me explain. I am the oldest of seven children – I have five younger sisters and a brother who is the youngest child. He finally married a little more than two years ago. From the moment they got engaged, his wife (then kallah) has seemed to take pleasure in spreading rumors and causing trouble.
Mrs. Bluth, we were always a very close family. We doted on this younger brother as if he were our own child. My wife had a great relationship with my parents, and was the best of friends with my sisters. In fact, my parents often said they had six daughters as they loved my wife as if she was biologically their own. As each of my sisters married, their husbands made a smooth transition into our family and became like my blood brothers. As I said, a warm, loving and cohesive family.
All of which changed when the woman my brother choose to marry became part of our lives.
My wife, who always took my mother shopping and to her doctor appointments, suddenly found her place usurped by a young, calculating and opinionated rival. She wormed her way into every situation and was suddenly the one doing everything for my mother. Then she began telling my sisters that my wife said nasty things about them. Pretty soon, everyone was wary about talking to my wife and began excluding her from their confidences. My mother took to calling my brother’s wife to help her with her errands.
And my wife blames me for not speaking up for her. She claims that everything and everyone has changed towards her since this meddlesome woman entered our family. And now there is no peace in my home as the bitterness my wife feels has consumed her and our home has become a place of argument and discord.
There is now rift between myself and my siblings and my mother is ill over the situation. I can no longer abide my wife’s suffering without cutting myself off from my family. Is there anything that can return us to the way we were before this witch entered our lives?
Dear Friend,
Seems to me like there is more at play here then just your ordinary family squabbles. There seems to be something you have left out of the equation: a green-eyed monster called jealousy on your wife’s part. I could be wrong, but based on what you have said, it appears that your wife might feel threatened by this new and younger sister-in-law and therefore, has taken much out of context, seeing it as a vendetta against herself.
If I’m right, this young sister-in-law, perhaps in her zeal to find acceptance and inclusion in your tight-knit and close family, has offered to do whatever she can to garner the same love and consideration as your wife has enjoyed, but not necessarily at your wife’s expense. Is it possible that your wife may have blown this situation somewhat out of proportion and made it into something far greater than it actually is?
When a person sees herself as being displaced and rejected, she may feel like everyone is against her. Your wife was the “only” for a long time and she may be having a hard time sharing that status. If she could learn to see this new sister-in-law as an equal and not as a threat to her position, there can be way to resolve this situation – a family meeting where everyone speaks up, explains his or her issues and clears the air. This almost always leads to a return of family harmony and closeness.
However, in the case of a truly meddlesome person whose dysfunctional purpose is to stoke the fires of discord and argument, there would need to be professional help to heal the family.
I’m hoping that I got it right on the first call and that it is nothing more than a case of fear and jealousy that your wife is experiencing. If your family is as close and as loving as you say they were before this new addition arrived, than there should be enough love and consideration for healing and mending relationships.