It’s important to note that I am not “blaming the victim” in anyway. No one should have to deal with bullying. Rather, again, I am explaining how we can change the school culture. If we embrace differences and explicitly teach children to ignore negative behavior (but approach an adult at a later time), we will take great strides towards eliminating bullying in our schools.
Who is a bystander?
This is the hardest parts for schools and parents to grasp: We are all bystanders. If we see bullying and do nothing about it, we are complicit in it. In essence, we are saying to everyone – the bully, the victim, and the other children around – that bullying is acceptable.
Experts identify four different types of bystanders:
- Assistants – who actively join in the attack.
- Reinforcers – who give positive feedback to the bully, perhaps by smiling or laughing.
- Outsiders – who stay back, stay quiet and unwittingly condone the bullying behavior.
- Defenders – who try to intervene to stop the bullying or comfort the target.
Occasionally, teachers in the schoolyard will assume “boys will be boys” or “it will pass,” but in reality they are acting as “outsiders” – quietly condoning the bullying act. And, this can be the worst type of bystander for the victim. After all, if the victim knows that someone sees and is doing nothing about it, they feel completely abandoned.
Again, I cannot emphasize enough how important changing the social environment is in order to eliminate bullying. We need to explicitly teach children the skills they need in order to be defenders. Through role-playing, classroom activities, and books tailored to intervention, we can teach every child to stand up for those around him.
Bullying is a whole school approach:
- Use a staff meeting to raise awareness of bullying.
- Gather information about:
- The problem
- Solutions that other schools have employed
- Develop clear guidelines that EVERY teacher can enforce AT ALL TIMES.
- Set up parent conferences with parents of children who are victims or bullies.
- Distribute pamphlets that lay out the guidelines in a clear and concise manner.
In individual classrooms a good teacher will:
- Notice when a student is isolated and sad
- Address the bullying behavior immediately – and not say that it is just “normal kid stuff”
- Create a zero tolerance policy for bullying
- Place value on respect and teamwork – give points for this on group projects
Next, we need to deal with the bullying when it happens. What this article from Pediatrics has taught us is that even if we end the bullying, there is still a lot of work to be done to ensure that the victim does not suffer long-term damage. To that end, we need to enlist school guidance counselors, specialists, and parents to rebuild and restore children’s self-images. Otherwise, those individual bullying incidents could last a lifetime.