Q: My eight-year-old daughter is always at the top of the class – getting A’s and excellent educational evaluations from her teachers. I have never had a problem with her academically, but lately, I have been noticing some social issues. She’s compassionate and idealistic; however, she doesn’t seem to interact with other children her age. She spends her free time in school talking to the teacher or kids in older grades. Also, she expects so much from herself and seems to fall apart when she doesn’t do things exactly as she expects to. Should I be worried about her?
A: In the past, there was a lot of discussion concerning intellectually advanced children and their stunted emotional development. Today, however, it is clear that gifted children are not underdeveloped emotionally. Rather, recent studies in The Gifted Child Quarterly have revealed that gifted children show better emotional adjustment than non-gifted children.
Still, this advanced social development can lead to disadvantages (and corresponding advantages):
- A tendency to gravitate towards their “mental age peers.” Like your daughter, gifted children tend to enjoy speaking to people who are on their mental level. This often means that they will have trouble communicating with children who are not as bright as they are. Therefore, it makes sense that your daughter spends her time with her teachers or children of different ages.
The upside: It’s true that your daughter might have trouble relating to children her own age, but as she gets older, she will be comfortable in all sorts of situations. Once she enters high school, her peers will have caught up with her and she will do equally well at interacting with her classmates as well as adults.
- An inclination towards perfectionism and self-criticism. Children who are extremely smart will often be hypercritical of themselves. Their minds envision an amazing final product that their bodies might not be able to accomplish. For instance, a gifted five-year-old might picture a storybook, replete with illustrations; however, his fine motor skills might not be developed enough to create his vision. This can be frustrating and exasperating for children whose intellectual abilities do not match their physical capabilities.
The upside: Your daughter’s perfectionism will inspire her to keep trying and eventually to succeed. As long as you continue to encourage her and applaud her efforts, she will gain skills through trial and error. Eventually, through her desire for perfection, she will succeed.
- A dominant, forceful personality. Gifted children can sometimes seem overbearing and bossy with their peers. Frequently, they will enter a roomful of children and create elaborate games that they want others to follow. If the other children are not interested, a gifted child might be left playing by herself.
The upside: While it’s true that forceful personalities might have negative effects on social interaction, assertive children are also the leaders in the classroom. With time and a little finesse, a gifted child’s ability to imagine and organize games will make her the one everyone turns to for advice and entertainment.
As a parent, the best thing you can do for a child who is intellectually gifted is to create a supportive family environment. Just because your daughter is bright, it does not mean she will have an easy time with her peers. However, to every downside there is a significant upside – embrace those challenges and turn them into triumphs.
