יום שבת, כ״ב תשרי תשפ״זSaturday, October 3, 2026
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Dr. Yael Respler is a psychotherapist in private practice who provides marital, dating and family counseling. Dr. Respler also deals with problems relating to marital intimacy. Letters may be emailed to deardryael@aol.com. To schedule an appointment, please call 917-751-4887. Dr. Orit Respler-Herman, a child psychologist, co-authors this column and is now in private practice providing complete pychological evaluations as well as child and adolescent therapy. She can be reached at 917-679-1612. Previous columns can be viewed at www.jewishpress.com and archives of Dr. Respler’s radio shows can be found at www.dryaelrespler.com.
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How could they not know how we wish for a child who wakes us up in middle of the night?
Often a child's worst fears emerge right before sleep.
How could he fight with someone who wasn't fighting back?
People who have higher credit scores are more likely to form committed relationships.
Quality time means giving your undivided attention to your spouse.
Average intelligence does not connote mediocrity and people are frequently mistaken when they think that someone with average intelligence is not going to really succeed in life.
When you tell a shadchan that you want a young man with a plan or an idea of how he will support his family, the conversation is over.
I think it's time that we as a community reconsider our shidduch situation.
Realistic expectations are integral as they help children feel confident when they are successfully met.
It was a terrible and horrifying experience for me that I will never forget.
Unconditional love is something we all crave. We resent feeling that we are loved because of our achievements or the money we earn, and the roots of this message start when children are young.
I realized that this change is a good thing and I should be happy.
The most powerful message you gave me was to think about how to make the person I am dating feel special when he is around me.
I think the only way to reach your husband is through positive reinforcement.
I can't seem to say anything and I do not know what to do.
Marriage is hard work. My husband and I both had to change the way in which we behaved.
He constantly bad mouths me and encourages them to disobey me.
We must compliment our children on their internal beauty so they will feel that their character has worth and value.
My granddaughter is in the basement for six hours, never taken outside and never held.
There is halacha and then what is in the spirit of halacha.
Arguments against giving any vaccines are naive and hollow.
Don't focus on the negatives, that's the easy thing to do.
If Hashem were talking to you, would you interrupt to answer your cell phone?
Hashem gives us a refuah; how dare we not use it?
What should I say if someone asks me what happened?
There are times when a psychiatrist will over-medicate, which is why it's important to find a psychiatrist whom you trust and feel comfortable with.
Dr. Yael Respler is taking a well-deserved vacation this week and asked Eilon Even-Esh to share some thoughts with her readers in her stead.
My husband is a great guy and very loving - except when things don't go his way.
A great portion of mental illness stems from a defect in the body.
Personally I wish that I had a mother like my wife.
Why should any girl deserve to end up with a guy who can't even think straight?
Women don't often realize they are being abused, especially if the abuse is emotional rather than physical.
My children encouraged me to date and even set me up with a very special man.
It is very hard to build a healthy marriage when you do not have good role models.
When they all try to speak at once, I will ask them to stop and speak one at a time.
In America one has to either be very rich or impoverished to receive care – the middle class seems to get taken advantage of.
Growing up, I saw the respect my parents had for each other. Then I got married...
When I complain, she tells me it is retail therapy.
This therapist kept focusing on how "I could do better," never on how we could make the marriage work.
Unfortunately, the probability is that he will not see a reason to change as he has been acting this way for a long time and clearly has some issues with respecting women.
Returning to visit my family for Yom Tov has become torturous for me.
Someone close to us knew that you were good at saving marriages and begged us to give therapy one last chance,
My mother-in-law and I have had our problems since the beginning of my marriage.
It is very natural for kids to want attention and to be jealous of each other, especially when there is a new baby.
How can you expect people who go through such gehenom to even know how to give warmth and love?
Isn't therapy about being yourself; aren't there different ways for people to communicate with each other?
I believe that Hashem will only bring Moshiach when we finally achieve achdus.
I love my husband dearly and I do everything to make him happy.
Men and women have different roles to play in marriages and as parents.
Whenever he did anything loving for me, I made a big deal about it.
She says that they are our children and since she brings in half, or sometimes more than half of our parnassah, we need to be full partners in their chinuch.
I surprise my wife with gifts, large and small.
They are like children keeping count of who changed how many diapers each day.
I find his mother to be a difficult person and my nature is to stay away from people like that.
Often both girls and boys compare their date to their parents.
The Moroccan wife's chief pride is showing that she ought to win the prize for the most attentive and solicitous spouse and mother.
Both parties need to become more tolerant of one another.
I think a major problem within the "single" community is the pressure to get married ASAP.
How many potential shidduchim are not coming about because we, the mothers, are not allowing them to go through?
I so desperately want to have a loving relationship with my stepsons.
Isn't there anyone making a simcha who understands that loud music can cause hearing loss?
My mother thinks of herself as a superior person, has very little feelings for other people, and probably suffers from a deep lack of self-esteem.
Sometimes the most powerful countermove one can make when a person is screaming is to calmly say that her behavior is not helpful and then continue interacting with the rest of the family while ignoring the enraged person.
There are many people today with very little training who put out shingles and proclaim themselves to be marital coaches, shalom bayis helpers, advisers etc.
When one marries someone with children, all family members must accept them.
My mother-in-law is totally devoted to her daughters and their children. Her sons’ children on the other hand are treated like second-class citizens.
How can I help my wife learn to say "no," and understand that her first priority must be her husband and family?
It is important for a therapist to focus on a person's strengths as a way of overcoming his or her difficulties.
I went to camp for many years. We cleaned our own bunks and did not have air conditioning.
"I would really love my mother-in-law ...if she weren't my mother-in-law."
Not enjoying saying no, I often succumbed to requests viewing them as demands I couldn't refuse.
It’s fair to say that we all know or have someone in our family who is divorced.
I recently met a wonderful woman who writes poetry. With her permission, I am sharing a poem she wrote about time.
What can we do to help him stop feeling so sad all the time?
Perhaps you can reach a compromise during this news frenzy, whereby you will feel more comfortable while he can still follow the latest events.
There could be no Jewish-themed books and, as such, the lack of knowledge these boys displayed in regards to many of the topics we read about was clear.
Upon hearing that he did, the owner sent him the atarah – all shiny and new – to be returned to me. I was reunited with my father’s precious gift.
A prominent shadchan recently articulated a dilemma she’s facing.
The real solution to bullying is to empower the bullied child.
My teachers like me and they tell my parents that I am a great girl with good middos.
Some yeshivish couples do not believe in going out with other couples, but that does not mean that the women cannot have social lives.
In my experience, modern schools tend to be more open-minded toward other flavors of Judaism.
I was called to the principal's office and shown a picture my daughter had drawn.
"Where was this guy when I was dating?"
We must be honest about whether this shidduch "crisis" is self-made, and how much of it is really a crisis at all.
Being a teacher requires more than just knowing the material.
She compares me to her romance "heroes," and I seem to always fall short of her expectations.
Many couples benefit from premarital counseling to increase the chances of avoiding issues during the marriage.
You obviously made the right decision to leave your mentally ill and emotionally abusive husband.
I strongly urge parents to research the value, or non-value, of the school credits their children are taking. Successful research will enable their children to receive a better education.
Humor is also a great tool to use. If your daughter says no when you ask her to do something, smile and say, “Oh, is it opposite day? I guess this means that you will do it with pleasure. Thank you, my beautiful mitzvah girl.”
Dear Dr. Yael: My heart is breaking; my husband’s friend has gotten divorced. While this type of situation is always sad, here I do believe it could have been avoided.
I agree with the letter writer that a shadchan should respectfully and graciously accept a negative response to a shidduch offer.
October 2, 2026 
