יום רביעי, ה׳ תשרי תשפ״זWednesday, September 16, 2026
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Dating can be hard and it can be disheartening. This is especially true for those that have dated for a long time.
This probably is not indicative of a larger issue, but either way, it is not your place to address it.
Without the option to have been a fly on the wall during your dates, it is impossible for anyone to completely determine if it was too fast, too slow, or just enough.
Explain to your daughter that you want to do whatever it takes to rebuild your relationship. Ask her what you can do differently to repair your relationship.
While you certainly know one another now, time will only encourage the ease and comfort that you feel with one another, making your spouse someone that you appreciate spending so much time with.
It is not easy to deal with negative people, but if this is important to your husband, you may need to try to have your father-in-law over and make the best of it.
You never want someone to feel compelled to marry you because a certain number of dates have passed and he feels bad, or to move toward marriage if he does not feel thrilled to be doing so.
My husband has been driving me crazy to lose weight and even blaming me for the hard time our daughter is having getting dates.
If you have specific reasons for your anxiety write them down so that your thoughts can be clearly conveyed to those who will help you through. If it is just a general feeling of worry, write that down as well.
I don't mean to cut anyone out but just not leave everything equally?
All those moments where you pictured the décor, the first dance, and the mile-long buffet are lost. A new dream had to be drawn that focused solely on the simcha and the union of two people ready to make a life together.
I kept quiet because I would have screamed if I had opened my mouth, This happened three weeks ago and since then I haven't called my parents.
Be kind to yourself. This is hard and your pain is real. So first treat yourself with love and respect.
I truly believe that chessed begins at home. We must care for our own immediate families and extended families before running out to save the world.
Living in New York will definitely allow you to access more shadchanim, more singles events, and offer you more exposure to a greater group of people.
At this point, you may want to first find out what is going on before you involve your ex-husband. Perhaps your son may have actually done this extreme behavior to get you to speak to your ex-husband.
Being smart is terrific. It is a gift from Hashem, like talent and beauty and the ability to fold bed sheets (obviously). You are smart. You know it, you want others to know it, and you want to marry someone who will mirror that intellect.
You are concerned that if she is seemingly this involved before you are even engaged, that will translate into boundaries crossed in your future with her daughter.
You are lucky that you have one parent to model positivity for you. You are already 16 and seem wise beyond your years.
By Baila Sebrow
Other shadchanim mean well, but don’t know how to express their thoughts gently. Sometimes, it’s not what is said, but how it’s conveyed that makes all the difference.
For some reason, when it comes to the shidduch world, it is considered normal – even "the Torah way" – for singles to put their fate entirely in the hands of strangers.
I see no harm done in starting with Zoom dating to at least get to know the person initially.
If Covid-19 has taught us anything – it’s that connection can still be fostered when we are not together. We can still get to know each other, build relationships, and learn from and about each other.
They take out the trash themselves, unstuff the toilet, and shlep their own luggage. These women don’t need a man, but they must not forget that they still want one.
She seems to be feeling overworked and overwhelmed, and unfortunately appears to be taking it out on you.
I also heard a few classic stories about people who had fallen in every room you can imagine and were away from their phone. One person even lives in a nursing home but wasn't able to reach the emergency cord on the wall.
You see the effort that your older siblings must expend in order to grow their families and you want to reject all the obligation that brings.
Zoom dating works for the first few dates or the first few weeks, but a real relationship generally grows from being with a person face-to-face.
I will never minimize the strength and determination it takes to get dressed up, to put on a happy face, and to portray positivity and enthusiasm when you have been dating for so many years.
I though it was showing weakness to ask for help. So, I never asked for help and no one offered any.
You are certainly lucky to have had a brother go through shidduchim before you so that you could better understand how the process works.
You are correct that there may be those who may not be interested in you because your family isn’t Instagram perfect.
Sometimes, it is easier to deal with the challenge that is hidden behind a black garbage bag.
While we know that they have no bearing on someone’s character, they can cause friction and uncertainty as you prepare to walk down the aisle.
It is important to remember that nothing will work all of the time and that you will probably still have difficult moments, but it is how you handle these difficult moments that will determine how things turn out in the future.
Different can be exhilarating, especially if you have a tendency to be more circumspect and careful. Different suddenly allows you to enjoy the fun that spontaneity and a sense of adventure often offers.
You have to assume everyone is at least two or three notches lower than he or she appears in the profile picture simply because many people will be two or three notches lower in real life.
Most people do not realize that we are causing our physical, emotional and behavioral health problems and generally try harder to go faster.
It is heartwarming to hear that you both found a way to date that was safe with backyard benches in the place of hotel lobbies and local restaurants.
He believed that there was a myriad of choices and thus it was his prerogative to analyze every single one.
While you may struggle to talk and share, you can be a great listener. Prepare open-ended questions before the date and really listen to the answers given.
There are three categories that must be met before a couple can decide if they (with Hashem’s help) could make a happy life together.
Most home-based landline devices consists of a button, either worn as a pendant or a bracelet, and a base in the home with a speakerphone.
G-d willing, next year you may look back at this precious time with your parents where you had their undivided attention for eight days.
Once you are feeling anxious, it is imperative to try to calm yourself down so you can set yourself up for success.
You were happily dating when suddenly Covid-19 changed the game and forced you to prematurely think about timelines and wedding dates.
Surely, we were close. Yet, again we drove and after circling and then circling again, we found ourselves back at-nowhere.
If the daughter-in-law learns to change her reaction and validates the criticism in a positive way, the mother-in-law will likely not know how to respond.
It’s hard to go to singles events. It’s hard to smile, and nod, to introduce yourself, to offer your most charming one liner – and then turn and do it all over again.
I certainly appreciate the gift of living near your family and what a tremendous blessing it can be.
Big people say, "You were right"; bigger people are willing to say, "I was wrong."
You feel like a fraud, about to be exposed for the interloper that you are, a child raised in a home filled with conflict.
My son goes home from school on a van every day with eleven other boys. Nine of them have cell phones.
Men are attracted to women with a positive attitude; to women who approach life with enthusiasm and grace, packaged in genuine self-confidence.
You also consider yourself to have depth, so it is natural to want to meet someone that approaches life with a similar lens.
The more love we share and the more confidence we build in our families, the safer they will feel.
Right after you stop dating someone, especially someone you have gone out with for a while, it is normal to still think about that person.
When there is someone who leans toward one group, but doesn’t tick every box, people may still encourage them to accept the label in order to expedite the dating process.
It must be incredibly frustrating to hear that you are ‘picky’ from family and friends when you are diligently trying to find your zivug.
It is always a wonderful feeling to meet someone that really seems to “get you.”
By Shlomo S. Lieberman, LCSW-R
“Why don’t they tell us this stuff before we get married?”
You privately decide that you all look more like tree doubles, but worried about being turned into lumber you wisely keep quiet.
It is completely understandable that you would feel like there are so many other single girls in your position – because there are.
Even good reviews hold them back, because public knowledge makes the products seem cheaper and less exclusive.
I once heard that when a teacher does not expect her student to achieve, the student would, in fact, not achieve.
Maybe she is so caught up in the “likes” that she is no longer able to focus on the actual and practical growth that she must put into her future marriage.
Respect and warmth can do wonders to build a relationship.
Your strength and desire to change is a testament to their parenting and love.
Your self-awareness and your ability to worry over their influence will only aid you in this process.
To expect financial support without any impact or input is immature and unrealistic.
Since this girl has known you for the same amount of time that you have known her, you have to assume that she has made her decision with careful thought and deliberation.
You’re tired, and I get it. Tired of being the single sibling, tired of helping the most, and tired of everyone treating you like you can’t possibly be OK on your own.
If someone interesting is suggested and he sounds promising to you, go out on a date. Date with honesty and integrity, and expect the same from the men you are set up with.
Unless your crystal ball works better than mine, no one can predict the future of any couple or knows what life may bring.
Eating at a restaurant can be expensive, but by paying the bill you are showing the girl that while you know that she may be able to afford her own meal, you don’t want her to.
If you happen to be traveling to another city and someone wants to set you up while you are there, go out on a date.
September 11, 2026 
