יום חמישי, כ׳ תשרי תשפ״זThursday, October 1, 2026
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It is also imperative that you work hard to keep the spark in your marriage alive and that you always work on communication.
It would make you feel more secure before a date to go out with someone who has been vetted and approved of by your friends and family because they know her – and not because they called her high school principal from her resume.
Beyond the idealistic lens of TikTok and the like however, their marriages may be struggling, their children may live life in “time-out” chairs, and they may subsist on day-old takeout.
In marriage if you are more loving and giving, generally the cycle of the marriage interactions become completely different.
With time, this loop becomes more and more automatic. The cue and the reward become interconnected until your brain anticipates the reward as soon as it hears, sees, or touches the cue.
You are an adult and are free to make your own decisions. You also present valid points that you are welcome to share with your family as they may be saddened to hear that they have made you feel uncomfortable in your childhood home.
As parents, we can be role models for our children and teach them that when things are tough, they still need to keep trying.
You somehow need to see this second relationship as another chapter in your life. This does not mean that the loving years that you shared with your first husband should ever be forgotten.
What is motivation? It’s the ability to improve our efforts and rouse ourselves into action. It’s the magic ingredient that adds a measure of oomph to the day. It’s an essential factor of learning.
My husband is a total technology junkie. He has every gadget under the sun and Baruch Hashem for Shabbat since it's the only time that we actually eat and talk as a family.
As more of your friends got married, I am sure that an even greater portion of the planning fell of your shoulders, and you graciously took on the task. Yet, you feel slighted and hurt at your friends’ lack of involvement now that it’s finally your turn.
If we start off happy, then we feel good about ourselves and what we're doing. If we feel good about ourselves, we look great.
My heart breaks for my grandchild. My children are expecting another baby in a few months and I am so frantic with worry.
Feminism, uneven expectations, and societal pressure aside, the world at large is often more comfortable with the man being older than the woman. We get you.
We push our children’s money questions aside, sometimes telling them that their queries are impolite, or perhaps worrying that they will call out our own financial hypocrisy and errors.
Sometimes people feel that if someone accepts them then there is something wrong with that person.
Building up your self-confidence, your self-love, and your self-acceptance is paramount before you go on your first date.
Executive skills allow us to organize our behavior over time and override immediate demands in favor of longer-term goals.
I find it interesting that some people, like you... look at it as a device that gives them more independence to age at home. To others it reminds them of the fact that they’re aging and are vulnerable.
Listen to yourself and the emotion that you feel when you talk about her and do your best to imagine your future together. Can you picture her as a strong and loving partner?
If you feel that someone is misrepresenting your purpose or intent, use a contrasting statement.
In my opinion, he is reckless and self righteous to think that this is how depression can be cured. Does he begin to understand that over 90% of suicides were with people who were suffering from depression?
Your best friend got married last year. She was tremendously blessed to find her zivug during such a difficult time. She likely understands this and has made peace with the small wedding she had or has planned for bigger celebrations in the future.
See your blind spots. Before we resist the feedback, it’s important to recognize that perhaps maybe other people see things that we do not.
Communicating will strengthen your relationship and bring you closer to each other if done correctly. Remember, stay positive, non confrontational, and use “I feel” messages so your husband doesn’t feel blamed at all.
You don’t need to fly anywhere of course if you don’t want to. Perhaps, though, you can take a moment to reflect on your unwillingness to travel outside of your comfort zone.
While there are always exceptions, teenage girls often experience significantly more stress around appearances – what they look like and how they dress.
You mentioned reluctance to give up baking because of the connection it has brought to your marriage. Maybe you can channel that passion for food into something that is healthier for both of you.
Your non-existent expectations for a home do not make her basic expectations unreasonable.
While we are visual beings, and it is natural to want to see how the person looks, the problem is that when you see the picture before you meet the person, you create a single image of who the person is.
If you don’t believe in yourself, you may end up choosing to forgo positive experience simply because you don’t think you will succeed.
Your praise should be realistic. Don’t say things that are obviously untrue as children can see through this and it will not feel good to them.
It can be hard to modify the picture that you had in your head when you originally thought about your future.
Different communities and families have different norms when it comes to the role of parents in the dating process. There is no one size fits all and no one golden rule.
Her feelings of worthlessness and depression likely stem from feeling like she is diminished and a shadow of her former self.
While a shared background might make things easier, it doesn’t mean that it is the only way.
When asked about concerns they have about returning home after their year, one of the most popular responses is something like, “I am dreading all the questions about my skirts and sleeve length."
If you want to be a leader, you need to make connections. People need to see you as an individual with imperfections and vulnerabilities.
You should, as a couple, forge out “we” time where you do things together such as discuss books, art, Torah topics, or whatever you both share interest in.
We all have small parts of us that don’t showcase us in the best light. Bits and pieces that when highlighted detract from our positive qualities.
Both instilling motivation and creating a safe space are integral parts of learning, helping students feel that they both want to learn and that the conditions are right for learning.
We can’t possibly know the mind of Hashem. We can’t even begin to speculate as to what was Hashem’s purpose in taking your friend’s husband at this time.
You are responsible for yourself, your actions, and your reactions. Your behavior before the date, during the date, and after the date are under your control.
What doctors and teachers call hyperactivity can also be called exuberance.
In shidduchim, the potential for rejection exists for everyone. Those we want to date, those we ask to date, and those we are dating, all have the opportunity to say “no” should they choose to.
You must share in a tone that demonstrates derech eretz to your parents that their behavior in meddling with raising your children is not helpful and is inappropriate.
If you have just moved or are entering a new community, the section on representing yourself as an individual can shed light on social interactions.
Maybe you can give me some words of nechama as I am frum and I know Hashem does everything for the good.
You envision someone like you at this stage of your life, and your parents likely hoped for someone who shares their original goals for you.
We need to remind ourselves constantly why we are taking the precautions we are taking. Remembering the reason gives us the strength to move forward.
While your educational ideas sound interesting, I am not sure how a school would be able to implement this kind of curriculum.
To me, your question cannot be answered until we address your tone. Until then, this is less about your inability to see eye to eye with your parents than about your struggle to communicate properly with one another.
What can we do to raise confident daughters – daughters who are proud of who they are and not what they look like?
Perhaps you can call a family meeting and start with saying that although it is a privilege for you to be able to take care of your parents, things are becoming more difficult and you feel you need more help.
You believe you are stuck because no one new seems to exist in the comfortable/uncomfortable group you belong to. To remain as you are will then likely not yield new and productive results. It’s time to switch things up.
Part of being productive is knowing what to do with all the ideas floating around your head and world.
Before you allow yourself to continue on this unproductive and dangerous path, take a deep breath and refocus. Revisit the steps that got you to this point.
We had a great marriage. I want to stay with her and raise our children.
It appears through your letter that you may be overly critical of your loved ones. Perhaps you are distancing them as your daughter and friend had said.
Turns out, there’s actually quite a lot that you can do about overthinking.
Perhaps girls are conditioned to get married early and to create a family and a home so they present themselves with more enthusiasm and care.
Whether you or your child is suffering from an anxiety disorder or just plain old anxiety, there are still many things you can do in order to help control the anxiety.
It would be a good idea to seek professional help. If your husband refuses to go for help, it would still be helpful for you to seek your own professional help to assist you in navigating your husband’s anger.
Is he helping his family financially through a difficult time and has been forced to be careful?
The shidduch process has many challenges both for individuals and for communities as well.
Take time now to heal. If that is a week, a month, or more. Be kind to yourself and take care of yourself as you process this experience.
Congratulations! You have decided to start a business and feel pumped, but you realized that marketing yourself is a big role in getting clients.
Emotional intelligence therefore grounds children as people who can interact positively with others and continue to develop even as the playing field gets more difficult and challenging. This extends to shidduchim as well.
I’m sure we can all agree that asking for a picture doesn’t stem from a deep desire to connect emotionally with someone prior to a date.
It is important to validate your daughter’s feelings and tell her that this behavior was unacceptable.
Of course, everyone is reading and writing about productivity today in a world that doesn’t sleep, and perhaps Duhigg’s book is an oversimplification of our daily race against the clock.
Once he understood the importance of respecting authority, he began to listen more appropriately to his Rebbeim, teachers, and the Menahel, understanding that they ultimately are seeking to help him succeed in life.
Leading however, with the notion that you are dating below your standards, or beneath your “criteria” is certainly something that your dates would feel.
Children will often get caught up in a power struggle: you pushing and them resisting. Your anxiety about the consequences of their actions will only teach them either how to appease you or resist you.
Now that you are able to date again, you jumped in with enthusiasm, only to be reminded of your dissatisfying past experiences.
September 25, 2026 
