יום שני, י׳ תשרי תשפ״זMonday, September 21, 2026
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Children with “learned helplessness” are convinced that they have no control over their lack of success in academic or social matters. They attribute their failure to certain factors that are beyond their ability to change.
I believe many people are by nature kind, but they chronically lack awareness or mindfulness and hence are unkind, even cruel.
We sometimes wonder: At what point does helping our children because they are busy become taking on responsibilities that really belong to the parents?
By Anonymous
Many times, being single is not a person's fault. Every person has his or her own time and place, whether we understand it or not. Ultimately, that is the truth.
Zahava’s private, locked-up grief and frustration seemed to keep her from reaching out to her sisters, who might have provided support.
People who are stressed don’t take care of their bodies. But this leads to a cycle of stress.
Perhaps instead of asking your siblings to “make shalom,” you can gently encourage them to consider whether there is some small step toward healing that they feel comfortable taking.
While you wait, keep becoming the best version of yourself. Take pride in how you present yourself and take care of your appearance.
Recap from last week: Velvel and his daughter Zahava decide to ask their neighbor, Mrs. Shulamis Rosner, for advice about their huge debts.
Even if you have a sterling resume and all the right credentials, if you are not exuding confidence and competence during the first moments of your interview you will probably be passed up.
We love our daughter very much and know that she has many wonderful qualities, but we feel that we need to help her learn how to communicate with us and others in a more respectful way.
Dating requires a tremendous amount of emunah. We can do everything right and still not know what will happen next.
Now if only Dina had been alive… an audible sigh escaped, and he glanced around to make sure Zahava hadn’t heard. Of all the people in this world, why Hashem had to pick his lovely, gentle wife to die young was a mystery to him.
Childhood is a time almost defined by joy. And while it is normal for a child to be sad when she gets a bad mark on a test, has a fight with a friend, loses a prized possession, or is scolded, children generally bounce back to their natural joy quickly.
There is one important point I would like you to consider. You don’t need to become a different person, but you may need to learn how to make your personality more visible.
Lateness can be nothing more than a personality quirk and a terrible relationship with the concept of time. But it can also sometimes point to bigger issues: disorganization, poor planning, lack of consideration, or difficulty following through.
It was like she had an expiration date stamped on her forehead. Ouch! The very idea sent another stab of pain straight across her temples.
As tiring and draining as it is to be in shul for so many hours on Rosh Hashanah, and to fast and daven for seemingly endless hours on Yom Kippur, it is a gift from Hashem to be able to petition Him in His Celestial Court.
What they discovered is that most women try very hard to reduce their stress – they try very hard to take care of themselves. In fact, they try so hard to take care of themselves that they end up feeling stressed that they are not taking care of themselves enough!
People who grew up in stressful or unpredictable environments sometimes develop a heightened sensitivity to stress. When you spend years feeling that you need to be on guard, your nervous system can learn to anticipate problems even when there is no immediate danger.
There’s a big difference between not ignoring a red flag and deciding that something is a red flag.
Had he ever cared about me? I think he did – a teaspoonful amount, far too little – but it had satisfied me, sad to say, until that too got swallowed up in his distorted mind.
For people who have anxiety, optimism can be very difficult and unproductive. Instead, anxious people can harness that anxiety and use it in order to ensure that they do succeed.
While physical attraction certainly plays a role in marriage, I believe that personality, chemistry, kindness, emotional maturity, and selflessness are far more important predictors of a successful relationship.
You know you are compatible. You enjoy being with him. You connect. So why don’t you feel MORE?
“Go ahead, rip them all,” I shot back. “It's your money down the drain.” I hung up, breathing hard.
Perhaps it is correct to say that there are two layers of the language. In any relationship, the words that people say are extremely significant, but it is the unspoken language of friendship that truly allows relationships to flourish and grow.
What struck me most wasn’t that your families are different. Every blended family has differences. What concerns me is that the two of you seem to be missing each other’s experience.
If you had learned this same information a few dates later, after more trust had naturally developed, would you feel differently?
He glared at the coffee and could not bring himself to take another sip. Once again, I saw Reb Getzel creak to his feet. I tried to communicate with my eyes – stop, no more tricks! – but he shuffled over to Binyamin’s side and whispered in his ear.
Parents often feel the need to “save” their children when their children are hurt, frustrated or angry. If we constantly rescue our children, they never learn to help themselves.
Before someone ever has the opportunity to appreciate your personality, intelligence, values, or sense of humor, they often make an initial decision based on what they see on paper. That can feel unfair, especially when you know how much more there is to you than a picture can show.
When you’re the one reaching out, waiting, wondering, and getting only brief replies or delayed responses, it’s hard not to question what it means.
What in the world had Hashem been thinking when He put me and Binyamin together? Why was I condemned to suffer?
A lot is said today about the way that parents “coddle” their children or are overly permissive with them.
The greatest gift you can give her is knowing that your confidence in her does not depend on her relationship status.
The goal of dating is not to audition for Mr. Entertaining. It’s to let someone discover the real you.
Binyamin is responsible and industrious, an excellent provider. At times he can be quite generous. When I married my husband, we were penniless, you know. I didn’t know if his business would succeed or not, but I took the chance.
The more we know about how our children’s brains work, the better we will be able nurture stronger, more resilient children. Not only that, but it can make parenting easier and more meaningful.
Children, especially preteens, are forming their sense of self. Even comments intended to improve their health can become lasting wounds if they are heard as criticism.
a problem many children of Holocaust survivors have to deal with – how to prove who you are, when the name on your birth certificate doesn’t match the name you grew up with after a legal name change.
You are doing your best to communicate, but you feel like no one is listening. You keep telling your family and friends that you don’t feel ready, and instead of validating you, they are minimizing your feelings.
Everything changed from that day. No more smiles, no more evening walks, no more asking about the other’s day. Nothing between us would ever be the same.
There are multiple reasons why a middle school girl struggles socially. The simplest reason is that she needs to be taught social skills that come naturally to other girls her age.
If we eliminated every shidduch because of one disappointing interaction with a parent or sibling, very few people would ever get married. We all have moments when we fall short.
But what if this season isn’t a pause at all? What if it’s preparation? Use these weeks to become even more of the person you hope to bring into a marriage.
I heard Binyamin walking up the stairs. I shoved the book back into Binyamin’s jacket. The door creaked open. I took a breath. Another one, and tried to shake off that sour sensation in my stomach.
You don’t have to be defined by your childhood experiences. Shaped by them? Sure. But you don’t have to repeat those experiences, you can use them to learn and grow as a parent.
Something can be a zechus and still feel difficult at times. You can deeply believe in supporting your children and Torah learning while also recognizing that you have legitimate concerns about your own future.
Dating endlessly after you have answered all your questions about said compatibility is a lesson in futility.
I read in a magazine that the secret to marital harmony is having separate bathrooms. All my woman stuff that littered the medicine cabinet and sink counter– you know, the tubes and creams and make-up – well, they grated on his nerves.
Do we have a friendship crisis? Probably not. Do we have a bully crisis? Definitely.
When difficult material is brought to the surface without adequate support, coping tools, or a sense of closure, individuals may leave therapy feeling overwhelmed, emotionally vulnerable, or stuck in painful feelings that seem more intense than before.
One of the hardest parts of dating is that people rarely arrive at the same place at the same time.
It’s important to remember that success should not come at the cost of your mental and emotional well-being. When stress becomes so overwhelming that it affects your sleep, happiness, and daily life, it’s a sign that something needs to change.
Doing something that she is good at can boost her self-esteem tremendously and provide her with an opportunity to make like-minded friends.
You need to let your friends and family know that you are ready to date so that they can peripherally assist you as well. You need to keep this circle tight and small.
Parents should avoid discussing their child’s worries in front of him. Hearing about his own problems can often cause more anxiety and result in seeing his problems as larger than they are.
How can I communicate more effectively with someone who often gets defensive or seems focused mainly on himself?
When a guy doesn’t pick up a girl for a date, it steals some of that thoughtfulness from the date. It diminishes effort and energy. It robs the date of the romance it could have had. That’s a loss to both you and to him.
Dysgraphia is not simply a motor problem, but also involves information processing skills (transferring thoughts from the mind through the hand onto the paper).
Unfortunately, many people associate needing an emergency alert device with feeling old, weak, or vulnerable. In reality, the exact opposite is true.
You are not missing anything. Everything has been going smoothly because it can. You don’t need conflict or disagreement. You don’t need an issue to address or a problem to fix.
Your child’s fears are very real and should not be ignored. That would only make them grow. However, bedtime is not the time to address those fears in a genuine matter.
Her positivity, energy, and incredible enthusiasm shine brightly. She is truly a light for all of us to emulate.
Six months is definitely enough time for a man and a woman to decide if at the very least, they want to commit to one another. It is certainly enough time to see if they are compatible, if their personalities align, if they have the same life goals and values, and if they have chemistry.
When people feel unfulfilled or discontented with their jobs or their lives, they might turn to food to suppress those feelings. Food becomes a focus instead of the boredom or the discontentment.
It is important to remember that many teenagers experiment with smoking not because they are “bad kids,” but because they are curious, stressed, influenced by peers, or trying to feel more grown up.
You put in time and effort and forged an emotional connection. Unfortunately, he might have been right there alongside you, but he has not arrived at the same place.
It’s hard to believe that bullying can occur in our schools, but unfortunately, bullying is a widespread problem that affects children of all religions, races, and ethnicities.
For some people, being wrong doesn’t register as a simple, everyday human experience. To them, it feels like a personal exposure. Instead of thinking, “I made a mistake,” their internal reaction is closer to, “This says something bad about me.”
Make eye contact. This feels so simplistic, but I have noticed that in the fast-paced world we live in, we are often looking beyond or around the person we are talking to.
Temper tantrums are normal for toddlers, but once children are after kindergarten, we expect the number of tantrums to be significantly reduced.
Your brother is not your child. You can be kind, supportive, and welcoming, but you cannot take on the role of parent, therapist, or rescuer.
The beauty of dating is our ability to measure if a connection can be made. So much of this is done through research and information gleaned before we even meet. But the actual date allows us to see if the match made on paper can translate to chemistry and a lasting relationship.
Sometimes it is hard to name what you are feeling. Suddenly, you feel hot. You feel a bit of a burning session in your chest and on your neck. You can open a window to cool off, but you might not actually be addressing where that physical manifestation is coming from.
Your concern comes from a place of deep love and responsibility, which is admirable. At the same time, pushing too hard or framing this as “you’re wrong, I’m right” is likely to make your wife dig in further.
It is impossible to romanticize long-term learning without the financial component. The stress of not being able to cover your tuition bill, to make your car payment, or pay your rent, cannot be dismissed.
If confidence comes after action, what allows action to happen in the first place? The answer is self-trust.
The first step is for you and your husband to come together in complete alignment. This is his father, and it’s important that any communication comes from a place of unity, not tension between you.
It’s time to assemble a team. Mothers have the unique ability to manage many hats and their absence must often be filled by more than one person. Find the two women in your life who you trust, and who genuinely care about your well-being.
This is very common. Sometimes you are just not in a relationship mode (especially early on) between dates and your brain naturally shifts back to your regular life (routines, work, family, etc.) when you are not with him.
By Anonymous
But the truth was there, quietly, every time I walked in. Something still wasn’t stable. Then her body began to give out. A ruptured appendix. A bowel obstruction. Severe migraines that landed her back in the hospital. It felt like everything she had been holding in emotionally was now showing up physically.
Your children are not describing a small discomfort; they are describing a childhood that felt unsafe and unpredictable. When children grow up around anger and fear, especially when it includes being hit, their nervous systems carry that experience for years.
The incredible part of marrying someone and becoming a new entity, however, is the ability to build on the foundation your parents have given you, but with your own flavor and your own choices.
The fourth son is what I call totally parve – he has no association, no involvement, no relationship with his surroundings. Because a narcissist is only interested in himself.
By Anonymous
With a mix of relief and fear, I got into my car and drove home. I had already been driving for over four hours, and I still had the full trip back. I was exhausted. I felt like crying.
Very often, when one spouse is so focused on children, on work, on extended relationships, etc., it is not because the marriage is unimportant.
Date her. Find out about her. (Find out about her weight-loss journey.) See if you are suited for one another. See if you connect. And then make a decision with all the information that you have.
What does working with parenting look like? Kohn recommends collaboration over control, and love and reason over power.
By Anonymous
The paramedics were busy taking vitals, trying to get Chana to talk, trying to figure out what she took, when she took it, and how much she actually took. I didn’t know the answers to any of those questions. I stood there dumbstruck, watching everything unfold.
You are carrying several heavy emotional burdens at once... When all of that builds up, anger often becomes the emotion that surfaces.
Sure, he is not shorter than you, but you wanted someone taller. One more inch. That doesn’t seem so much to ask for.
If your child is having trouble with a friend or cannot figure out a math question, talk to him about the ways he can approach the problem. Ask him to suggest multiple paths to get to a plausible conclusion. This will give him confidence when he encounters a similar problem in the future.
Adolescence is when peers begin to take center stage. It’s not a rejection of family; it’s a necessary step toward identity formation. The fact that she coordinated with friends isn’t a statement against you, rather, it’s a statement for herself.
At some point, every single boy or girl who has dated longer than a year has heard the dreaded, “Maybe you are too picky.” from someone invested in their shidduch process.
Children who struggle with social skills are less likely to participate in class, less likely to ask important questions when they don’t understand something, and more likely to fall between the cracks.
By Anonymous
I would study her face when I dropped her off, searching for clues. Did she want to be there? Was she hopeful? Resentful? When I picked her up, I watched again. How had the day gone?
You also need to prepare yourself that you will feel anxious during the date, at least at first, and then tell yourself that you will be ok and will get through it.
Let yourself breathe. It’s OK to mute the engagement/vort/shower/baby chats. Allow yourself to skip an engagement party when it feels like too much.
September 18, 2026 
