יום שני, ד׳ אלול תשפ״וMonday, August 17, 2026
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I know you are coming from a good place. I know that you just want what your friends got. It’s not your fault that you live in an Instagram world filled with photo ops instead of memories. And I want you to have a special proposal. I really do. Just not the one you are picturing.
The Torah revolves around one simple but powerful precept - to not treat others in a way you wouldn’t want to be treated. The following poem offers insight as to why.
Do you live like that? Constantly imagining danger around the corner? Are you suffering from low-grade anxiety on a constant basis?
By Anonymous
Over time, I realized that my resentment of Chana stemmed from jealousy – jealousy that she had been given the space and permission to feel throughout her childhood. I had never sent a child to their room or shamed them for their feelings, so how could she get so sick in my house? What had I done wrong? Where had I failed her?
Help your daughter understand that this girl is not better than her; rather, she likely has low self-esteem and needs to hurt others to feel better.
You know that part of forging an authentic connection is sharing, but you are scared. Because, of course, it’s scary to share.
A lot of this unique and personal language that you develop with your child happens until around the time your child starts sixth or seventh grade.
By Anonymous
We go to a local café to decompress. I watch people walk by, absorbed in their own lives. And in that moment, I realize that I have become one of the other people.
It is important to understand that your compliments and reminders of all of your blessings will not cure your wife’s insecurities or comparisons. This is because insecurity is an internal struggle.
He is not changing. This is who he has been for a long time, and will likely be for the foreseeable future. Of course, we are all capable of growth, but he is who he is, and that will not be different in three weeks or three months.
By Anonymous
The conclusion is unavoidable. Home is no longer safe. She can’t be at school, and I cannot maintain twenty-four-hour surveillance – not with other children, a home, and a full caseload of clients.
Choosing to judge others favorably and to refrain from unnecessary conflict is not weakness; rather it is an avodah and reflects real inner work. In a world that rewards sharp words and quick comebacks, self-control requires strength.
You have been given a gift. You met a girl who seems perfect for you. You like everything about her and are considering an engagement. Your friend didn’t want to marry her. This is an even greater gift! She was clearly meant for you and not for him, and that was clear to him and we hope now to you as well.
By Anonymous
Her one big complaint was that she thought the therapist was reading too much into what she was sharing, but she was willing to keep going.
Your children are not saying, “Don’t be happy.” They are saying, “Please don’t forget.” It is important to name their fear out loud and remind them often that no one will ever replace their father.
Sometimes a person who does not have the emotional maturity and mentchlichkeit we expect of them will deflect and redirect so that they don’t need to be honest and transparent.
We are assured that ultimately, justice does prevail. That there is a Day of Judgement in the Eternal World. Those of unwavering faith focus on adjusting to their new normal and embrace Hashem's will and continue to find purpose and simcha, as we are exhorted to do.
By Anonymous
Chana was still social enough, there were still times when her room was filled with laughter, or, empty because she was out once again. And the other times she was in her room with the door closed I assumed she was just busy with her studies.
Hashem has someone amazing for you. Someone who will appreciate your warmth, middos, and stability. A true home is built on mutual respect, Torah, and shared values.
Even if the guy you are hoping for is so outdoorsy he fillets his own fish at restaurants, he is still going to be affected by your appearance.
By Anonymous
We got in the car to go home. She sat silently in the back seat as my husband and I tried to figure out how the kitchen and cooking were going to have to change. I silently snuck a glance at her as we drove down the highway. Her blank, emotionless face was periodically illuminated by the street lights as we drove.
The advantage of identifying this behavior, and labeling it is that the child can now get help. The disadvantage is that the label can become an excuse, a crutch which will then continue to allow this behavior rather than devise means of dealing with the challenge.
As parents, your first responsibility is to create emotional safety for your children. This may mean limiting visits to environments that are consistently stressful or damaging.
Green flags do not offer the same shock value as their red counterparts, but they are even more important.
Almost all anxiety is normal. It’s what you do with anxiety that makes it normal or not normal. In reality, everyone is going to become anxious about changes, new experiences, and risks, but the way different people deal with those anxieties is key.
We are a young couple with several children, and I come from a warm, loving home. My husband’s parents are divorced, and at times I see similarities between him and his father that worry me.
By Anonymous
In my mind, there’s a “before,” a “during,” and a hopeful “after.” Where are we now? I want to say we’re still in the “during.” Because there have been so many “befores” setbacks.
After three weeks, you should be sure that you are able to communicate well and have shared values and goals. You should have formed some level of connection and have an appreciation for their character and personality.
Once your child’s playdate arrives, don’t just leave the room. Instead, suggest some activities that will get things going. Taking out puzzles, musical instruments, or blocks are great ways to break the ice. Once the children begin to play together, take a backseat, but be available in case they need you.
The good news is that while we cannot remove technology from our homes entirely, we can create a healthier and more boundaried relationship with it.
Do you also notice those flaws? Do they bother you? If they do, why don’t you take steps to change them?
Be truthful even if it is painful. In such tenuous situations, children sense gaps in the story or can begin to mistrust their parents if they find out later that information has been concealed or distorted.
If someone grew up feeling inadequate, unseen, or unworthy of love, it can be difficult to internalize love and appreciation later in life.
For an introvert, dating can be painful, as they struggle to overcome their innate reserved personalities.
Oppositional defiant disorder is the diagnosis often given to kids who tantrum a lot, often refuse to do what they’re told, and do not follow rules and requests. While the diagnosis refers to specific behaviors, it does not provide any information about the problems and lagging skills that are causing those behaviors.
There are mothers who are looking for a son-in-law who will compensate for all the things their own husbands are missing. They approach the shidduch scene hoping for a do over of their own marriages and live vicariously through their children.
While self-confidence is key, the ability to be humble is vital.
When they are young, children simply want to please their parents and will do their best to live up to even the highest expectations. However, repeated failure to meet inflated hopes can injure children’s self-esteem.
In life we all should focus on what we do have instead of what we don’t have. We should focus on our brachos.
It is not wrong for you to look for a guy who has a solid plan for the future. It is not wrong for you to look for someone who cares deeply about doing whatever it takes to provide for his family. It is not wrong for you to look for a person who is emotionally stable and diligent. Unfortunately, we cannot predict the future.
When is bullying an isolated incident and when is it considered a more serious situation in that parents and teachers should become involved?
In my own practice I also see grandparents who were very strict with their own children but undermine their children when they discipline their grandchildren (who are their children’s children). Perhaps these grandparents have mellowed, but they are inappropriate to undermine their children’s parenting techniques.
You are certainly in command of your own decisions. And dating is hard. And exhausting. Unfortunately, you are absolutely being short-sighted and overly selective.
Use this as an opportunity to widen your circle. Share meals with new people, attend community events, and visit new places. This will allow you to meet people who are not in your direct social circle who may have new dating possibilities for you.
I appreciate your willingness to put in the work. You are happy to do the “right thing.” You just don’t know what that is anymore.
In our community, with its many large families, very often a rebbe or a teacher will be privileged to teach several siblings of one family. If big brother is a super-achiever, most likely his younger brothers have heard the refrain Why can’t you be more like your brother? Parents must avoid the impulse to do the same thing.
Yes, there are those who have unrealistic expectations and standards, both men and women alike. It is important to be able to compromise and never settle. But that is a whole other topic.
As members of Klal Yisrael, I would hope that we would all offer empathy and compassion. Telling someone NOT to feel is not our way. Discouraging someone from feeling sad or mad or hurt doesn’t work. It doesn’t erase feelings.
Because birth order can affect most children in the same ways, there are ways that you can help your children overcome weaknesses that birth order has thrown their way.
In some situations, divorce is the best solution; however, there are too many divorces due to interfering in-laws, immaturity in the couple, and other factors that can be remedied. I believe that many of the marriages that end in divorce can be saved.
First, you need to believe in the system. You need to have faith in your parents and their research. You need to have confidence in their understanding of you and your wants and needs.
While at different points there is negative press surrounding the use of time outs, many psychologists and educators believe that when used correctly, a time out can be effective and valuable.
Our shidduch crisis is challenging. This column is my effort to make a dent in the crisis.
We don’t have to establish that you love your sister and you want to see her happy. We take this as fact. Regardless, the sadness, shame, and anger for feeling this way are eating at you.
A child who struggles to read, follow directions, or write quickly may feel embarrassed in front of peers. This is especially true as children grow older and school becomes more publicly performative through reading aloud, presenting projects, or participating in class.
I do understand and empathize with singles who do not wish to go out unless they think that the suggestion makes sense as it is extremely frustrating to meet somebody that is totally incompatible at all right from the outset of the first date.
No couple has a completely seamless dating experience. None. Sure, some daters go through this process with ease and some struggle, but regardless, there is no perfect dating journey.
A guy who immediately suggests that you change in order to meet their approval is not someone you can keep in your life.
Fear sees a threat. Anxiety imagines one. Fear screams, Get out! Anxiety ponders, What if?” While fear results in running away or fighting, anxiety inspires gloom and doom.
It is important to understand why some children struggle with stealing and lying so you can handle these situations appropriately and help your son navigate what he may be feeling.
Children who struggle with social skills are less likely to participate in class, less likely to ask important questions when they don’t understand something, and more likely to fall between the cracks.
A toxic friend will not be happy for you when something good happens to you or when you get something new. Someone who truly loves you will celebrate your happiness. Toxic friends do not.
The goal of dating is to get to know someone better, to build a relationship, to get engaged, and to iy”H get married. This should mostly be an insular experience between two people. Yet, we live in a world that loves to share and impress.
It’s all about when and how you say no.
We must all prioritize our time and be sensitive to others. During the time that we are working on ahavas chinam, let us all try to work harder on not ignoring others when we are with them and really being present, without the distraction of a phone.
You had this upcoming year planned, and part of that included dating. Now you worry that this might not be the correct decision. Should time be factored into your hope to date and if so when would it be right?
If we really are living in the times of Mashiach, how can we think Mashiach can possibly come when even Orthodox Jews do not treat each other well?
In some way every student comes home a bit changed – hopefully improved, and ready to tackle a new and exciting time in life. Sometimes that change is more significant, more obvious to our family and friends – perhaps in the way we dress, speak, or in a newfound commitment to Torah study.
When we help children develop an emotional vocabulary, we can transform raw feelings into a tangible thing. This is the first step in learning to control those very raw emotions.
It takes a certain sensitivity to do marital therapy. The therapist should try to put themselves in the client’s shoes and try to be careful not to open up issues that the couple will have to live with later and not have the tools to deal with.
You see your date’s internal beauty and you are not bothered by a lack of the typical commercial good looks we are taught to value. But you worry that you will be influenced by the subtle judgment you expect from those that know you.
Reporting on other’s positive actions can inspire the reporter to emulate those good deeds.
Even though my parents tried so hard to be amazing parent, my sister just understood me better.
Strengthen your relationship with Hashem. Daven, connect, and bolster your emunah. Ask Hashem for what you want, ask for the strength and the wisdom to recognize what is right for you, and make sure your connection is real and sure.
Like social skills, street smarts can be picked up naturally or they can be learned through explicit instruction.
Of all the things that we can give our children, self-esteem is the most important.
You don’t need a girl who see you and sees short. You need a girl who sees you and understands that you are everything she ever hoped for.
Stubbornness brings lots of benefits, but what about the negative consequences when raising a child? Is there a way to alleviate them?
Being a people-pleaser is not necessarily a bad thing, but it becomes difficult when you feel you have to avoid conflict at all costs.
Your child is always watching you, even if you don’t notice. If you model gratitude, by saying “thank you” to the clerk in the grocery store and the car service driver, you are teaching him the proper way to act.
Women are generally more sensitive and astute and the fact that you seem happier and more vibrant may be upsetting to your daughters. Perhaps, they were Daddy's girls, so this is hard for them to see.
In the beginning, perhaps you appreciated the input and research your parents offered, but now things have changed. You are less reliant on their suggestions and opinions and trust yourself to make good dating choices.
Changing your children’s negative behavior will probably require you to change yourself.
Maybe it was true! Maybe they only loved me because of all the joy that I give them. Maybe they don't really love me for myself!
While marriage is holy and beautiful, it is also a huge responsibility. It is a parents’ duty to make sure that their child is physically, emotionally, and mentally prepared for this lifetime commitment.
How is character built? According to Tough, character is created by encountering and overcoming failure.
It is best to make lifestyle changes and seek guidance from health care practitioners on how to deal with the weight issues in your life and your family's life.
I’m sure you are a wonderful guy, and clearly, you are not to blame for the uneven balance of our dating system where girls seem to be the underdogs. You want to date right, but there is a limit on the excitement you can conjure when every date feels so similar.
Parents of younger children can play matching games which will help with making connections. Parents of older children can talk about math when in the supermarket or famous artists when drawing at home.
If earworms are causing you significant distress it is important to seek professional help. This could be a sign of underlying anxiety or Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD).
More likely, the shadchanim and your family and friends are making valuable suggestions that your ego refuses to consider.
Unexpressed anger can lead to other problems, such as feeling perpetually hostile and cynical.
We all deal with anger once in a while. But, during the teenage years, anger is something that can take over both teenagers’ and parents’ lives. This anger can feed that bad wolf and make him grow out of proportion.
If you want happiness for an hour, take a nap. If you want happiness for a day, go fishing, if you want happiness for a year, inherit a fortune, if you want happiness for a lifetime, help somebody.
We forget to look in the mirror to acknowledge our beauty and successes, and instead, open every window to let in our failures and disappointments.
August 14, 2026 
