יום שישי, י״ד תשרי תשפ״זFriday, September 25, 2026
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The most important thing is to keep reminding yourself that you are okay and safe to try to not encode this experience in a traumatic way.
People look different in person, and you know… when they are not two dimensional. People look different after we talk to them, after we connect with them, and certainly after we LIKE them.
As your child grows and learns more about the world, it is natural for him to be hesitant or fearful of new circumstances. In some ways, it is good your child is afraid – it will make him more cautious and careful.
You cannot blame your parents who probably suffer silently with the same situation. Please speak to your mechanechet who probably is not aware of your situation. Perhaps she can set up some kind of activity (even a chesed activity) that will foster friendships.
While this is someone you really like, someone you even imagined marrying, you are not comfortable in this place of indecision. You don’t want to make a mistake by dismissing the person who could potentially be your zivug, but you are also not happy to live without any form of real commitment.
We are Jews dating Jews. Regardless of your background or hashkafa, right or left, black hat or baseball cap, look for someone who believes in Da'as Torah.
Our experiences quite literally shape us – and more specifically – shape our brains. That means that we will each see the world in a unique way because of the way that our previous experiences have shaped our brains.
They found that sharing similar personality traits does not necessarily mean that a relationship will be more satisfying; however, perceiving that you are more similar will usually predict more satisfaction in a relationship.
It is possible that this couple is not meant for one another. It’s possible that they will be better off going their own ways and finding different matches. It’s possible that their son knows absolutely that his feelings will never change.
A perfect case of a child who was twice exceptional is Albert Einstein. Even though Einstein was brilliant when it came to visual and spatial reasoning, as a child he had behavioral problem, was a terrible speller, and had trouble verbally expressing himself.
Try hard not to overwhelm your kids when you talk to them or make them feel bad about their behavior.
You feel like you are close to an engagement and understandably want and expect the support of your family and friends. Yet, they are refusing to give you their blessing and have expressed concern instead.
Use graphic organizers. Graphic organizers can use key words, pictures, or icons. These mental images can help arrange the information in a coherent and streamlined manner.
I am more often than not of the belief that another chance is the way to go. If the possibility even exists that this could be your match, you are looking at a lifetime of connection and happiness at best.
Everyone is put in this world to fulfill a mission. We do not know what anyone’s mission is, and we must try to see everyone as a creation of Hashem and to treat everyone with the respect they deserve.
Dating can be easy for some. They date one boy or two, they connect, build a relationship, and soon after they create a home and a family. For others, dating becomes complicated.
Children and teens often face significant challenges that make school life difficult. Whether it’s the anxiety of meeting new people, the fear of rejection, or the complexities that come with learning differences like ADHD, these struggles can hinder their ability to form meaningful relationships.
It is hard to break negative cycles in life. However, you chose to break the negative cycle by working to support your family and loving your wife and children, so that your children are able to grow up in an emotionally healthy home.
The solution is to stop going home. Just kidding. That would be a terrible solution. Instead, go home and have a sentence of appreciation at the ready.
The first way that sensory processing disorders affects academics is simply in the child’s ability (or inability) to sit still when there is a plethora of sensory information in a classroom.
While I can give you tips on how to do this, it appears that you already have created a good, loving, and fun life where you give to others and you have close relationships.
You need to take yourself into account. You need your family now, their love, and the comfort and food from home. You need to spend time with family, and you need rest. This matters too. This matters more.
Many people confuse the concepts of self-esteem and ego, assuming that if you believe in yourself you are automatically egoistic and arrogant.
Some people view dating like they would, sitting in traffic, or a in a parking lot. They believe you need to wholly focus on dating and getting married, and once you have accomplished that, you can expand and grow. So, they go to work and come home.
The fact that you realize this need is exacerbated due to your struggle with self-esteem is helpful.
It makes sense that your daughter’s teachers would not have picked up on this in preschool because children are not often forced to speak in the learning process.
Baruch Hashem you have a devoted husband, caring children and grandchildren. Although it is challenging to depend on others, you must be grateful that you are not alone and there are others around who care about you.
What I find to be most objectionable however, is your statement, People today believe, (especially wives) if I make money that means I’m equal to a man. Bless your heart.
The prevalent attitude that frowns on parents for exercising authority over their kids creates confusion even in parents who believe in discipline. Children sense the ambivalence and use it to their advantage.
Do you and your husband have any common interests? Maybe you can come up with some activities you both enjoy to do together without phones. Does your husband have any of his own hobbies or interests? Maybe you can encourage your husband to try hobbies that do not involve screens, like sports.
What an uncomfortable burden to carry! You believe that you have become a responsible and well-liked adult with good character and middos. Yet, you still worry about becoming the spouse you watched in your home.
Expecting children in whom these skills are delayed to behave rationally when upset, and to penalize them for not doing so, is unrealistic, Greene argues. These children do not choose to behave badly any more than a child would choose to have a reading disability.
I think the reason that the guys are not able to validate your argument however, is not because they can’t agree on your delineated list of chores. I believe instead, that your fifty-fifty attitude is probably holding them back.
A certain amount of anxiety as we go about our daily lives is normal. Most adults can navigate their way through the nagging concerns that dog their thoughts without getting derailed by them. Children, however, have a much harder time handling anxiety.
Don’t say things to yourself that you would not say to a good friend. Be understanding, gentle, accepting, and loving to yourself as you would with someone else that you care about.
You family has done you a disservice in not being more transparent about the money that they earn to afford the lifestyle that they have raised you in and the effort that it takes for them to get there. Life in expensive.
Nechama is one of countless singles whose shidduch prospects are being limited by a lack of social skills. Such skills run the gamut from communication skills and grooming to anger management and stress control. And while social skills issues plague people of all ages, they are particularly damaging to singles on the shidduch scene.
Meira in Hebrew means giving light and our beautiful Meira was a light so bright, who during her young life, managed to chase away the darkness of her challenges to inspire her family, friends and community.
Perhaps though, decide to rely on Hashem and relinquish the power you are clinging to with shaky hands. Tell your parents that you would like to discuss the option of your sister dating as well and surrender your role as gatekeeper to a greater master plan.
Many of us remember our parents telling us that if people called us names or hurt our feelings, we should simply tell ourselves, Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never harm me. Unfortunately, that logic does not hold true.
It is OK to mention my child to me. In fact, as I wrote above, it comforts me.
Take a moment to catalogue the net you have cast in shidduchim. Have you only reached out to people in your community, your state, or your exact upbringing? Consider widening the net to include a broader scale of possibilities.
Temper tantrums or fits are common for terrible twos and children entering adolescence. Interestingly, the reasons behind the tantrums and the effective ways to deal with these tantrums are the same regardless of age.
The first thing I would recommend is for you and your husband to make some extra time for your marriage. Going out together, without any children, does wonders for that dimming spark, as you and your husband will be able to just enjoy each other without all of the distractions of daily life.
I know that this will be uncomfortable for you to hear and will not offer you the satisfaction and peace of mind that you crave, but I need you to stay in your own lane. Unless you or your chosson are contributing financially to the wedding, this is not your business.
In reality, we are not born with street smarts or social skills. Some children pick up on social cues from birth, while others need to be taught these skills explicitly.
I know that people really mean well. So next time you pay a shiva call, think before you go - How can I make the person and or people sitting shiva feel more comfortable?
It might be prudent to explore why you have kept this secret. Sometimes we are conditioned to be ashamed, embarrassed, and diminished by those who love us best because they worry about shidduchim, or perceived judgment they imagine you will face.
There was a time, not too long ago, when being a good parent was the most valued achievement in our community... Today, we pay a great deal of lip service to this concept, but in practice, we allow many other priorities, such as succeeding in our careers, social obligations and self-fulfillment, to compete with the one we profess to cherish most.
Relationships are complicated. Children react differently to their parents. Unfortunately in many situations that I work with, the in-law children sometimes influence their spouses to have less derech eretz for their parents.
Many couples in your circle will get married and build loving and successful lives together. They are the waves we can rely on. They reassure us and give us hope for ourselves.
It is crucial for parents to think clearly and stay calm – not an easy thing to do when a child is in the midst of a full blown tantrum, complete with kicking, screaming, and breaking things. Parents should also avoid turning the episode into a power struggle.
Unfortunately, often parents can raise many children while many children cannot always care for their parents properly. It is so important that those who are suffering have a support group to turn to to help them through this difficult time period.
If a kallah was writing with this question about her chosson, I believe that there would be little to no pushback. A girl is allowed to notice clothing, but a guy is not?
What is the nature of these social disabilities and what, if anything, can parents do to help their children and adolescents fit in?
I know that we have little control in our life other than how we will handle the challenges that Hashem gives us. We can only work on ourselves.
Sometimes we want something so much that we negate things that typically matter to us.
Now, watching her daughter’s forlorn profile through the window, Miriam thought, Riki was once a good, happy kid. I don’t know what’s going on but I’m going to find a way back to that place. There has to be a way.
Perhaps you can ask directly for more help from your other siblings. Share with them how much you would appreciate their direct help as your one sister does.
I agree that a six-week break so early in your dating process is complicated and perhaps even unrealistic. When your connection is still so tenuous and new, it can be hard to nurture it with six weeks dividing you.
In retrospect, I never was able to get my act together. My childhood was marked by disorganization and clumsiness. I never had pens or loose leaf paper, my briefcase was always a mess, and I was a chronic latecomer. I remember several particularly painful episodes.
Every situation is different. Also, it is important to try to remember that your children may still love you, even if they don’t come for the holidays. Perhaps they have more difficult children or really need more space for whatever reason.
It is true that if you date your friend’s brother and it doesn’t work, even with care and respect, it is unlikely that your friendship would be unaffected. He is her brother, her family, and as much as she loves you, there is great potential for awkwardness at the very least, and even a ruined friendship.
It doesn’t matter how good a parent you are, your kids will at some point feel that a sibling got more attention, more gifts, or more cake than they did.
I tell you this story as a way of giving you chizuk to do what is not simple.
I appreciate your position. I really do. At the same time, the chance (even the small chance) that this could be your happily ever after means that you need to try.
Of course, you both feel torn when faced with their concerns. They are your parents and you are conditioned to agree with them. At the same time, their disagreements are not yours, and are creating painful conflict between a couple that otherwise feels just right.
The problem arises when the peers are not all you would have liked them to be, and your child is facing some strong pressure to conform to standards that he knows are not acceptable or, at best, can be found in the murky ‘grey area.’
You will ultimately work less hard if your children and grandchildren are involved. Complimenting them for helping you will also build their self-esteem. Additionally, they will learn how to deal more effectively with their own children if you delegate tasks to your children and demonstrate appreciation.
If you are asking me if being happy is a bad thing, I couldn’t possibly disagree. If you are wondering if I believe in being mindful and present, then the answer is of course, ‘yes.’
I present you with this research data not because it’s interesting or cute, but so that you will fully appreciate the significance of the power of peer pressure.
For those of you who are dating, I ask you to try not to marry someone with the hope of changing them. A healthy marriage can help someone grow emotionally, spiritually and bolster someone’s self-esteem.
A reputation is something that someone builds over time, so we can trust that this is going to give us a better understanding of their true character and behavior.
The New York Times explains that in order to be diagnosed with ADHD, children should have at least six attention symptoms or six activity and impulsivity symptoms – to a degree beyond what would be expected for children their age.
I applaud your attitude as you seem to appreciate all the brachos that Hashem gave you as well as treasure all the good years in your marriage. We can all learn from your positive attitude in life.
It is possible that there is something you are missing when it comes to his family, and it is equally probable that whatever has caused their disconnect will assure you of his commitment to an emotional connection and his stability.
Research has indicated that children with learning disabilities often fail to pick up social skills and experience more difficulty making and keeping friends than young people without these problems. Yet, quite often children who academically are well within the mainstream, suffer from these disadvantages as well.
September 25, 2026 
