יום רביעי, ט״ז תמוז תשפ״וWednesday, July 1, 2026
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Temper tantrums or fits are common for terrible twos and children entering adolescence. Interestingly, the reasons behind the tantrums and the effective ways to deal with these tantrums are the same regardless of age.
The first thing I would recommend is for you and your husband to make some extra time for your marriage. Going out together, without any children, does wonders for that dimming spark, as you and your husband will be able to just enjoy each other without all of the distractions of daily life.
I know that this will be uncomfortable for you to hear and will not offer you the satisfaction and peace of mind that you crave, but I need you to stay in your own lane. Unless you or your chosson are contributing financially to the wedding, this is not your business.
In reality, we are not born with street smarts or social skills. Some children pick up on social cues from birth, while others need to be taught these skills explicitly.
I know that people really mean well. So next time you pay a shiva call, think before you go - How can I make the person and or people sitting shiva feel more comfortable?
It might be prudent to explore why you have kept this secret. Sometimes we are conditioned to be ashamed, embarrassed, and diminished by those who love us best because they worry about shidduchim, or perceived judgment they imagine you will face.
There was a time, not too long ago, when being a good parent was the most valued achievement in our community... Today, we pay a great deal of lip service to this concept, but in practice, we allow many other priorities, such as succeeding in our careers, social obligations and self-fulfillment, to compete with the one we profess to cherish most.
Relationships are complicated. Children react differently to their parents. Unfortunately in many situations that I work with, the in-law children sometimes influence their spouses to have less derech eretz for their parents.
Many couples in your circle will get married and build loving and successful lives together. They are the waves we can rely on. They reassure us and give us hope for ourselves.
It is crucial for parents to think clearly and stay calm – not an easy thing to do when a child is in the midst of a full blown tantrum, complete with kicking, screaming, and breaking things. Parents should also avoid turning the episode into a power struggle.
Unfortunately, often parents can raise many children while many children cannot always care for their parents properly. It is so important that those who are suffering have a support group to turn to to help them through this difficult time period.
If a kallah was writing with this question about her chosson, I believe that there would be little to no pushback. A girl is allowed to notice clothing, but a guy is not?
What is the nature of these social disabilities and what, if anything, can parents do to help their children and adolescents fit in?
I know that we have little control in our life other than how we will handle the challenges that Hashem gives us. We can only work on ourselves.
Sometimes we want something so much that we negate things that typically matter to us.
Now, watching her daughter’s forlorn profile through the window, Miriam thought, Riki was once a good, happy kid. I don’t know what’s going on but I’m going to find a way back to that place. There has to be a way.
Perhaps you can ask directly for more help from your other siblings. Share with them how much you would appreciate their direct help as your one sister does.
I agree that a six-week break so early in your dating process is complicated and perhaps even unrealistic. When your connection is still so tenuous and new, it can be hard to nurture it with six weeks dividing you.
In retrospect, I never was able to get my act together. My childhood was marked by disorganization and clumsiness. I never had pens or loose leaf paper, my briefcase was always a mess, and I was a chronic latecomer. I remember several particularly painful episodes.
Every situation is different. Also, it is important to try to remember that your children may still love you, even if they don’t come for the holidays. Perhaps they have more difficult children or really need more space for whatever reason.
It is true that if you date your friend’s brother and it doesn’t work, even with care and respect, it is unlikely that your friendship would be unaffected. He is her brother, her family, and as much as she loves you, there is great potential for awkwardness at the very least, and even a ruined friendship.
It doesn’t matter how good a parent you are, your kids will at some point feel that a sibling got more attention, more gifts, or more cake than they did.
I tell you this story as a way of giving you chizuk to do what is not simple.
I appreciate your position. I really do. At the same time, the chance (even the small chance) that this could be your happily ever after means that you need to try.
Of course, you both feel torn when faced with their concerns. They are your parents and you are conditioned to agree with them. At the same time, their disagreements are not yours, and are creating painful conflict between a couple that otherwise feels just right.
The problem arises when the peers are not all you would have liked them to be, and your child is facing some strong pressure to conform to standards that he knows are not acceptable or, at best, can be found in the murky ‘grey area.’
You will ultimately work less hard if your children and grandchildren are involved. Complimenting them for helping you will also build their self-esteem. Additionally, they will learn how to deal more effectively with their own children if you delegate tasks to your children and demonstrate appreciation.
If you are asking me if being happy is a bad thing, I couldn’t possibly disagree. If you are wondering if I believe in being mindful and present, then the answer is of course, ‘yes.’
I present you with this research data not because it’s interesting or cute, but so that you will fully appreciate the significance of the power of peer pressure.
For those of you who are dating, I ask you to try not to marry someone with the hope of changing them. A healthy marriage can help someone grow emotionally, spiritually and bolster someone’s self-esteem.
A reputation is something that someone builds over time, so we can trust that this is going to give us a better understanding of their true character and behavior.
The New York Times explains that in order to be diagnosed with ADHD, children should have at least six attention symptoms or six activity and impulsivity symptoms – to a degree beyond what would be expected for children their age.
I applaud your attitude as you seem to appreciate all the brachos that Hashem gave you as well as treasure all the good years in your marriage. We can all learn from your positive attitude in life.
It is possible that there is something you are missing when it comes to his family, and it is equally probable that whatever has caused their disconnect will assure you of his commitment to an emotional connection and his stability.
Research has indicated that children with learning disabilities often fail to pick up social skills and experience more difficulty making and keeping friends than young people without these problems. Yet, quite often children who academically are well within the mainstream, suffer from these disadvantages as well.
I do not know what kind of childhood your husband had, however, if you want to make this marriage work, you must try to focus on his positive qualities instead of his negative issues. I know this is easier said than done.
You need to discuss what your individual financial expectations are. Not only about what you will each be contributing as a couple, but also about what you expect your spouse to offer you in terms of gifts, vacations, and the like.
Picture yourself as a child, feeling unable to wait your turn or restrain yourself from blurting out comments as your teacher or parent is speaking. Even though you know full well the negative consequences you will suffer from your behavior, you easily become oppositional and answer back to authority.
By dvora
Dear Mrs. Bluth, I have been a faithful reader of this amazing column for over thirty years and, even though you address someone's individual, personal problem, your reply is always as if you are speaking to everyone else going through the same or similar crisis, face to face. I have reached out to you three […]
Sometimes, we need guidance and counsel. Sometimes, we can benefit greatly from advice. Yet, there are times however, when too many voices only cause chaos and pain.
It’s true that Executive Function Disorder is becoming a hot topic in education these days. Of course, that is not because more children and adults are dealing with it, but rather because experts have given it a name and have devised ways to deal with its accompanying difficulties.
Even when things are going well, we may have bruised feelings when we feel a stronger connection earlier that the person we are dating or feel ready before they do. We are all responsible for our own feelings. We get to decide on the risks we take with them.
What are the causes behind output failure? Are we discussing actual dysfunctions of the brain – or does the term merely whitewash certain flaws in character?
Covert narcissists are insecure, they can be passive aggressive and hypersensitive to criticism, but they have no problem being critical in a passive way.
Time to set some boundaries. This has to be done right away before you are all gathered at the Seder table.
What Exactly Is ADD? ADD is a neurological disorder characterized by inappropriate levels of inattention, over-activity, and impulsivity. Symptoms arise in early childhood but are not always identified correctly.
By dvora
I am writing to you because I have been fired from my job for doing the right thing!
Set realistic goals for what needs to be accomplished. It is important to focus on the most important areas such as the kitchen, dining area, and other places that chametz is generally found.
It’s time to slow things down. Nothing has changed. Everything is still going smoothly. You still like each other. You still want to continue dating. The only addition, is that he is ready to discuss your future, and you are not – yet.
Sometimes parents may not know if their child is being bullied. Some children are intimidated into secrecy. They may also keep quiet because they feel ashamed that they have allowed this to happen. They may fear that the parents will either criticize them or will intervene in a way that will make everything worse.
I want you to know that you are not alone in this dilemma and drinking has made Purim a challenging Yom Tov for many women. I am not a Rav but I know there are men who do not drink on Purim and keep all the other mitzvos.
Someone is calling you to ask about this person’s character, intelligence, background, and more. They are not asking you to predict the future, to see through your crystal ball, or to decide the fate of the person they are calling you about.
While children who are extremely socially awkward will often be ostracized by their peers in elementary school, middle school is when a child’s social development becomes more apparent.
Understanding the cause of why your mother-in-law behaved this way may help you come to terms with it more. Underneath this venom lies a negative person who probably had a very dysfunctional childhood.
The resume is your introduction, a basic understanding of you so that potential daters (and their parents) can surmise if you might be at all compatible. Instead of fighting it, use it as a wonderful tool. This will help you to not go on dates that don’t make sense for you.
At times, I'm happy your marriage is over. You weren’t getting along, and you told me things would be better this way. You said, We’ll have a happy divorce. But it doesn't feel very happy.
Even though Leah was the most popular girl in class, the other girls didn’t really like her. In fact, they were a little bit scared of getting on her bad side.
In your situation, you sound like a person who wants to do chesed but you are stuck in a situation where you are dealing with a very complicated, needy person.
Go back to the shadchan and ask if they ever use tinfoil pans versus real ones. Investigate their ongoing Shabbos purchases and detect if they have ever purchased take-out or used a plastic tablecloth.
Another by-product of the unattended classroom is the friendship crisis a great many children suffer. While most children eagerly await recess and lunchtime as cherished opportunities for fun with playmates, there are some children who experience loneliness and rejection during these unstructured periods.
The first thing you’re going to have to do is work on yourself to not be nervous when she comes as this already puts you in a mood where you feel upset and more sensitive.
I don’t think a cup of coffee is cheap. I don’t think a walk in the park is cheap. I don’t think a date that costs zero dollars is cheap. I do think however that your FOCUS on the cost of Java really refers to the lack of FOCUS on you.
By Nachum Segal
We pray better, we eat properly, we bring more purity and spirituality to our relationships. Separation equals closeness.
Children with experiential insatiability, are extremely hard to satisfy. School-related routines such as processing information and producing written work do not quell their appetites for intense experiences.
It is important to be respectful and assertive. You can respectfully share your wants and feelings while considering your spouse’s wants and feelings as well.
Think of questions that are both light and deeper to get to know your date as organically as possible while still focused on the goal: to see if you are compatible.
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder is a common behavioral disorder that affects between 8-10% of school age children. Boys are three times more likely than girls to be diagnosed with ADHD.
It is important to realize that addressing a disrespectful boss requires a careful and strategic approach.
It is frustrating to go out, have a pleasant time and then hear that the other person does not want to see you again. It is even more upsetting, when this happens multiple times with multiple guys.
I believe that I went into therapy with naivete, and that the psychological professionals should offer a type of disclaimer, or warning, before starting with a patient.
Woman are looking for a man. This is more than a gender – it’s character. Women want someone they can rely on, emotionally, physically, and yes, monetarily.
Social competence enables us to know what to say, how to make good choices, and how to behave in diverse situations. The extent to which children and adolescents possess good social skills, say experts, can heavily influence their academic performance, social and family relationships, and later, their success on the job.
I will share some of my ideas, however, this is no substitute for therapy.
If they are lucky and nothing egregious or ‘red-flaggy’ happens on that first date, they go out again hoping to ease into ‘slight unease’ on their way to ‘dating comfortably.’ This is reality.
Many people believe that practice and a positive role model will solve all social issues, but what they do not understand is that sometimes people simply lack social intelligence when it comes to finding favor with others.
It is difficult to set boundaries, but we all have the challenge of where and how to give our maaser money. It is important that you tell your friend you love his chesed and that he is always trying to help others, but that it is hard for you to always feel you have to give to all the causes he is fighting for.
I can’t imagine that you expect that everyone who goes on a date is immediately attracted and excited about the person they meet. I would boldly suggest that many people who go on first dates are less than thrilled about their dates’ first impression.
Children are not given choices and thus cannot shield themselves from failure; we expect them to be competent, if not expert, in a whole array of school basics.
I am printing your column with an answer in the hope that you will send this letter to your brother-in-law, and it will impact the way he is treating you, his sister, and your marriage.
At the very least, take a few minutes every day to sit quietly, to intentionally relax your muscles and to release the stress and knots that have certainly taken root under your skin.
June 26, 2026 
