יום רביעי, י״ב תשרי תשפ״זWednesday, September 23, 2026
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Picture yourself as a child, feeling unable to wait your turn or restrain yourself from blurting out comments as your teacher or parent is speaking. Even though you know full well the negative consequences you will suffer from your behavior, you easily become oppositional and answer back to authority.
By dvora
Dear Mrs. Bluth, I have been a faithful reader of this amazing column for over thirty years and, even though you address someone's individual, personal problem, your reply is always as if you are speaking to everyone else going through the same or similar crisis, face to face. I have reached out to you three […]
Sometimes, we need guidance and counsel. Sometimes, we can benefit greatly from advice. Yet, there are times however, when too many voices only cause chaos and pain.
It’s true that Executive Function Disorder is becoming a hot topic in education these days. Of course, that is not because more children and adults are dealing with it, but rather because experts have given it a name and have devised ways to deal with its accompanying difficulties.
Even when things are going well, we may have bruised feelings when we feel a stronger connection earlier that the person we are dating or feel ready before they do. We are all responsible for our own feelings. We get to decide on the risks we take with them.
What are the causes behind output failure? Are we discussing actual dysfunctions of the brain – or does the term merely whitewash certain flaws in character?
Covert narcissists are insecure, they can be passive aggressive and hypersensitive to criticism, but they have no problem being critical in a passive way.
Time to set some boundaries. This has to be done right away before you are all gathered at the Seder table.
What Exactly Is ADD? ADD is a neurological disorder characterized by inappropriate levels of inattention, over-activity, and impulsivity. Symptoms arise in early childhood but are not always identified correctly.
By dvora
I am writing to you because I have been fired from my job for doing the right thing!
Set realistic goals for what needs to be accomplished. It is important to focus on the most important areas such as the kitchen, dining area, and other places that chametz is generally found.
It’s time to slow things down. Nothing has changed. Everything is still going smoothly. You still like each other. You still want to continue dating. The only addition, is that he is ready to discuss your future, and you are not – yet.
Sometimes parents may not know if their child is being bullied. Some children are intimidated into secrecy. They may also keep quiet because they feel ashamed that they have allowed this to happen. They may fear that the parents will either criticize them or will intervene in a way that will make everything worse.
I want you to know that you are not alone in this dilemma and drinking has made Purim a challenging Yom Tov for many women. I am not a Rav but I know there are men who do not drink on Purim and keep all the other mitzvos.
Someone is calling you to ask about this person’s character, intelligence, background, and more. They are not asking you to predict the future, to see through your crystal ball, or to decide the fate of the person they are calling you about.
While children who are extremely socially awkward will often be ostracized by their peers in elementary school, middle school is when a child’s social development becomes more apparent.
Understanding the cause of why your mother-in-law behaved this way may help you come to terms with it more. Underneath this venom lies a negative person who probably had a very dysfunctional childhood.
The resume is your introduction, a basic understanding of you so that potential daters (and their parents) can surmise if you might be at all compatible. Instead of fighting it, use it as a wonderful tool. This will help you to not go on dates that don’t make sense for you.
At times, I'm happy your marriage is over. You weren’t getting along, and you told me things would be better this way. You said, We’ll have a happy divorce. But it doesn't feel very happy.
Even though Leah was the most popular girl in class, the other girls didn’t really like her. In fact, they were a little bit scared of getting on her bad side.
In your situation, you sound like a person who wants to do chesed but you are stuck in a situation where you are dealing with a very complicated, needy person.
Go back to the shadchan and ask if they ever use tinfoil pans versus real ones. Investigate their ongoing Shabbos purchases and detect if they have ever purchased take-out or used a plastic tablecloth.
Another by-product of the unattended classroom is the friendship crisis a great many children suffer. While most children eagerly await recess and lunchtime as cherished opportunities for fun with playmates, there are some children who experience loneliness and rejection during these unstructured periods.
The first thing you’re going to have to do is work on yourself to not be nervous when she comes as this already puts you in a mood where you feel upset and more sensitive.
I don’t think a cup of coffee is cheap. I don’t think a walk in the park is cheap. I don’t think a date that costs zero dollars is cheap. I do think however that your FOCUS on the cost of Java really refers to the lack of FOCUS on you.
By Nachum Segal
We pray better, we eat properly, we bring more purity and spirituality to our relationships. Separation equals closeness.
Children with experiential insatiability, are extremely hard to satisfy. School-related routines such as processing information and producing written work do not quell their appetites for intense experiences.
It is important to be respectful and assertive. You can respectfully share your wants and feelings while considering your spouse’s wants and feelings as well.
Think of questions that are both light and deeper to get to know your date as organically as possible while still focused on the goal: to see if you are compatible.
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder is a common behavioral disorder that affects between 8-10% of school age children. Boys are three times more likely than girls to be diagnosed with ADHD.
It is important to realize that addressing a disrespectful boss requires a careful and strategic approach.
It is frustrating to go out, have a pleasant time and then hear that the other person does not want to see you again. It is even more upsetting, when this happens multiple times with multiple guys.
I believe that I went into therapy with naivete, and that the psychological professionals should offer a type of disclaimer, or warning, before starting with a patient.
Woman are looking for a man. This is more than a gender – it’s character. Women want someone they can rely on, emotionally, physically, and yes, monetarily.
Social competence enables us to know what to say, how to make good choices, and how to behave in diverse situations. The extent to which children and adolescents possess good social skills, say experts, can heavily influence their academic performance, social and family relationships, and later, their success on the job.
I will share some of my ideas, however, this is no substitute for therapy.
If they are lucky and nothing egregious or ‘red-flaggy’ happens on that first date, they go out again hoping to ease into ‘slight unease’ on their way to ‘dating comfortably.’ This is reality.
Many people believe that practice and a positive role model will solve all social issues, but what they do not understand is that sometimes people simply lack social intelligence when it comes to finding favor with others.
It is difficult to set boundaries, but we all have the challenge of where and how to give our maaser money. It is important that you tell your friend you love his chesed and that he is always trying to help others, but that it is hard for you to always feel you have to give to all the causes he is fighting for.
I can’t imagine that you expect that everyone who goes on a date is immediately attracted and excited about the person they meet. I would boldly suggest that many people who go on first dates are less than thrilled about their dates’ first impression.
Children are not given choices and thus cannot shield themselves from failure; we expect them to be competent, if not expert, in a whole array of school basics.
I am printing your column with an answer in the hope that you will send this letter to your brother-in-law, and it will impact the way he is treating you, his sister, and your marriage.
At the very least, take a few minutes every day to sit quietly, to intentionally relax your muscles and to release the stress and knots that have certainly taken root under your skin.
Many students adapt very well to school; they feel good about themselves and their school work. For others, however, school is threatening. Getting through an average school day for some children is fraught with anxiety-producing situations and painful moments.
Imagine the tremendous improved relations that can occur if we truly attempt to open our minds to divergent mindsets.
Today, daters are careful when they determine what characteristics matter to them. I hear a lot of words like, smart, outgoing, ambitious, spontaneous, and educated. These are all good words.
If comparing bullying to bullfighting seems very harsh, ask a child who was bullied.
A covert narcissist is sometimes called a vulnerable narcissist and can be emotionally fragile and very sensitive to criticism. Covert narcissists may outwardly show what looks like empathy, but their underlying purpose is to get you to engage with them so they serve their own needs in some way.
The disorder is far more disabling than people realize, and consumes untold hours and outputs of energy.
It is hard to feel happy, or even content, when our brothers and sisters are hostages and others are fighting for us. But, unless we channel these feelings into davening and chesed – good deeds, they are extremely unhelpful feelings.
The only way to fix this is by changing the game. Instead of two parties, we need three.
Although she is well-behaved and articulate in class discussions, on the playground she will frequently barge in on other children's play or conversations.
Look for things to do to help others. When we give to others we are giving to ourselves as we feel better and more productive.
Let me start by saying that I hope you meet in the middle. It would be wonderful if you were both on the same page in hashkafa and could ride off into the aqueduct, er, sunset.
She was moody and remote, absorbed in her books. She did well in school with barely any effort but her social skills lagged far behind her academic achievement.
Your husband, as you report, has been raised in a home where his mother was completely dependent on his father. Thus, his expectation is for you to be the same way on some level.
When something is not working, when something feels unhealthy, or unproductive it’s smart to step away. Sometimes we need to remove ourselves so we can see what hasn’t been right for us.
The key to knowing where to start is to understand the four levels of communication.
It started at the young age of 12 when I became associated with one of the leading rabbis of the last 100 years, Rav Avigdor Miller. He was a genius in human relations and I sucked up as much knowledge as I could learn from him.
All drugs carry risks such as grogginess and other side effects. You should consult your healthcare provider before using any medication.
Sit down with your parents, a dating coach, a trusted mentor, or rebbetzin. Tell them how you feel and how you DON’T feel. Be honest and forthcoming without shame.
For most children, basic social skills (e.g. initiating conversation, working cooperatively, respecting boundaries, observing conventional rules of courtesy) are acquired naturally.
You should move if you want to move, but you shouldn’t feel pressured by what other people do or by what other people tell you to do.
Chanie’s mother tried to salvage the situation by calling her daughter to the side and whispering a few succinct reproaches in her ear.
Compliments are gifts of love, but they only work if they are sincere and are given freely, without coercion.
Sure, I would not be so glib as to deny that our appearance and even size matter in shidduchim. Perhaps there is even a point in being mindful of what we eat regardless of size or weight. Yet, this question impacts you as a whole, your life, and your goals that supersedes dating.
OCD was long assumed to be purely psychological, the mind's reaction to overly-strict parents or abnormal emphasis on cleanliness. Scientists now believe it is the result of a chemical imbalance in the brain.
Is your wife using the silent treatment as a manipulation tactic or is she using it because she doesn’t know how to talk about her feelings?
Be vulnerable. This can feel scary at first, but it is the only way that you will know if you are dating someone worthy of your trust and love.
It makes a parent feel both helpless and angry at the same time. Helpless at the thought of having no control whatsoever over the situation. And angry that your child insists on behaving irrationally and well beyond acceptable modes of behavior.
It is a good idea to start with giving the other person the benefit of the doubt. Some people truly do not realize that they interrupt others often, thus if you frame your words objectively, you are more likely to produce behavioral change.
I would argue that finding your bashert trumps sightseeing and as far as I am aware, couples are still allowed on planes, not just singles.
Black and white thinking is considered to be a cognitive distortion by psychologists because it stops people from seeing life as it truly is, complex, uncertain, and always changing.
It is infectious and we become transfixed by our screens, and laugh and cry at the weddings of strangers who understand so clearly that a wedding is about marriage, love, and the future.
Research shows that children do need friends, however, they do not need tons of friends nor do they need friends to surround them 24/7.
In order to deal with the anxiety you are feeling, you need to identify what you are thinking. You are likely having anxious thoughts. These thoughts are probably swimming around your mind all day and are exacerbating your anxious feelings.
Dearest Minimizers, please, I beg you, listen to me. We know that there are varied levels of sorrow. But our pain counts. It matters, and it should be acknowledged.
Why bring up the concept of emotional intelligence when discussing shidduchim? The answer is simple: if a young adult has a low EQ, no matter how smart or accomplished she is, she will never be able to show that to her prospective mate.
Treatment for emotional detachment depends on the reason that is happening. It is important to seek professional help to see why you are having difficulty connecting to others.
It is specifically during sorrow that we feel happiness so acutely. It is then that we truly understand how precious joy can be. How fleeting it can be. We can see blessings so clearly and know that they are gifts that must be cherished.
September 18, 2026 
