יום רביעי, כ״ד חשוון תשפ״זWednesday, November 4, 2026
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It makes a parent feel both helpless and angry at the same time. Helpless at the thought of having no control whatsoever over the situation. And angry that your child insists on behaving irrationally and well beyond acceptable modes of behavior.
It is a good idea to start with giving the other person the benefit of the doubt. Some people truly do not realize that they interrupt others often, thus if you frame your words objectively, you are more likely to produce behavioral change.
I would argue that finding your bashert trumps sightseeing and as far as I am aware, couples are still allowed on planes, not just singles.
Black and white thinking is considered to be a cognitive distortion by psychologists because it stops people from seeing life as it truly is, complex, uncertain, and always changing.
It is infectious and we become transfixed by our screens, and laugh and cry at the weddings of strangers who understand so clearly that a wedding is about marriage, love, and the future.
Research shows that children do need friends, however, they do not need tons of friends nor do they need friends to surround them 24/7.
In order to deal with the anxiety you are feeling, you need to identify what you are thinking. You are likely having anxious thoughts. These thoughts are probably swimming around your mind all day and are exacerbating your anxious feelings.
Dearest Minimizers, please, I beg you, listen to me. We know that there are varied levels of sorrow. But our pain counts. It matters, and it should be acknowledged.
Why bring up the concept of emotional intelligence when discussing shidduchim? The answer is simple: if a young adult has a low EQ, no matter how smart or accomplished she is, she will never be able to show that to her prospective mate.
Treatment for emotional detachment depends on the reason that is happening. It is important to seek professional help to see why you are having difficulty connecting to others.
It is specifically during sorrow that we feel happiness so acutely. It is then that we truly understand how precious joy can be. How fleeting it can be. We can see blessings so clearly and know that they are gifts that must be cherished.
We all deal with anger once in a while. But, during the teenage years, anger is something that can take over both teenagers’ and parents’ lives.
Notice the positive in your life. When you take time to notice positive moments in your day, your experience of that day becomes more positive.
Once someone learns how to manage their time, they often find that they have more time for things that they enjoy doing. Additionally, when you manage your time effectively you are generally more productive, less stressed, and have more energy.
As a general rule, distinguish between what is in our control and what is out of our control. We can control ourselves, but not those around us.
When mazel and bracha are offered to you, say YES. Do not pass on a first. This is dismissing a gift that has been presented to you.
When we face hardship, we often refocus on what is necessary and right and leave pettiness behind. Perhaps now we can take to heart the objective that dating has always had- to get married and to build a bayit ne’eman b’yisrael.
It makes sense that emotional intelligence is important when on a date. You are, after all, talking about emotions and feelings.
It would also be helpful for you to go outside of your comfort zone and try new things. The more you broaden your social circle, the more people you will meet, and while you will not be best friends with everyone you meet, you will have more people to hang out with.
As you described, too much comparison leads to unhappiness and low self-esteem. It can also lead to feelings of frustration, jealousy, and hopelessness.
Dating is a commitment. Both parties need to be fully invested and focused on connection, advancement, and the future. When things are going well, this is even more important. Taking an extended break now, can deter the progress that you have made.
As your fathers’s cognitive function continues to decline, his daily life will change. It’s important to create a routine to help reduce confusion and disorientation.
When your family, the shadchan, or a friend, offers you information about a potential match - inquire about her home life and the type of house she grew up in.
Because written language can be compared to a code, knowing the sounds of letters and letter combinations helps children decode words as they read. Knowing phonics will also helps students know which letters to use as they write words.
Only use your bed for sleep, so your body knows what to expect when you’re in bed.
There are a million reasons why a wife must forego “extras” because they are not able to cover the cost. But this is not low maintenance or high maintenance. This is life as we hope to work toward more comforts in the future.
Though a six-year-old may seem a bit young for bullying, it is great to catch the behavior early because studies have shown that those who act as bullies seem to maintain these characteristics into adulthood, often negatively influencing their ability to develop mature adult relationships.
Building a relationship is a skill. If it’s something you need to work on, you can easily improve.
You are now a girl in shidduchim. This means that everywhere you go and anyone you meet has the potential to help you or hinder you.
The first thing you can do is show her how her passion is really connected to academics... Aside from the ways that her goal can be linked academically, this will also help your daughter gain self-esteem.
Even just deciding you will work on the task for 15-30 min can help kickstart the activity and prevent more procrastination.
Not only do children who read proficiently have an easier time in all academic areas, they also are more capable in social situations.
It is imperative to keep in mind that whatever is happening, Hashem runs the world and whatever happens in your life is part of a bigger plan.
Ironically, no one knows just how hard these children are trying, yet they continue to fail miserably because their minds simply do not work the way normative reading instruction is taught.
By Alter Yisrael Shimon Feuerman
A woman is a woman not for nothing. They desire. Perhaps more than we do. They are trying to wake themselves up, or us. It is not the way, but remember: They want to please us too.
Most people who procrastinate usually don’t want to, though sometimes we procrastinate doing a non-preferred task or a task that we feel is boring, frustrating or unpleasant.
By Alter Yisrael Shimon Feuerman
Is it really forbidden, such a thing? I don’t take such a dim view of your father, as you know. Yes, he’s impossibly cheap and self-centered, but he wants to live.
Keep in mind that isolated symptoms are not an indication of dyslexia. Rather, it is only manifest when three or four symptoms consistently appear as a part of a pattern.
By Alter Yisrael Shimon Feuerman
A shudder went through Yankel when he heard that. She likes the city – a place of gentile and Jewish tumah, impurities! He had to admire it in a way. She didn’t feel responsible for her ideas and she could fling them all into the wind and could care less what would come down where.
I am starting with this request. I do not know this gentleman. However, it is my effort to give singles a chance to reach out directly. Please research any person printed in the column.
Recent studies have shown that children and adults who read fiction are better able to empathize with people in life. Perhaps exploring the emotional lives of others allows the reader to step into the shoes of the real people they interact with daily.
By Alter Yisrael Shimon Feuerman
Yankel paused as though to ponder or measure his words. One could see in such moments the Eastern European rabbi in him. The white shirt with a floppy collar, the black suit, gray-patterned tie – the seriousness of Everything.
When you spend special, alone time with your daughter and give her undivided attention, you can build her self-esteem by giving her specific praise and just by making her feel valuable because of the time and positive attention you are giving her.
Girls tend to do more of the “mean girl” syndrome. The bullying is more underhanded and veiled. There is taunting and verbal abuse... On the other hand, with boys, you see more of the physical bullying: hitting and using physical aggression to intimidate.
By Alter Yisrael Shimon Feuerman
Quite frankly, I feel terrible, but also great. I had always felt old, but now I feel young even though it feels like my body has been broken into two.
I am not sure if you are involved in a frenemy relationship as you did not share any details. If you feel this is a negative relationship for you, there are positive ways to disengage from a frenemy relationship.
Health and exercise are not WHO you are. It is something very important to you. I must assume that there are other things that you value as well.
By Alter Yisrael Shimon Feuerman
Yankel had never before been physically assaulted. He was out of breath and overcome with adrenaline. One of the policemen helped Yankel down the subway stairs. He sat him down on a chair and spoke to him.
Most negative and anxious messages we give ourselves are irrational.
Someone who knows the person well, or even someone who has previously dated a girl or guy can be a great resource in learning about a potential match. However, a real understanding of a prospective date can also lack objective and may contain personal bias.
Whole books have been devoted to studying why boys lag behind girls in terms of their reading skills and here are some of the reasons that scientists and educators have compiled.
By Alter Yisrael Shimon Feuerman
The crafty caterer perked up in his chair: He knew he had a fish on the line. Yankel could see it all, with his new eyes that took in everything these days.
The first step is recognizing that someone is not a good friend for you, which you seem to have noticed, at least on some level. Even if this friend is supportive at times, you should never feel that a friend is trying to destroy your self-esteem.
Yes, it is true that we must devote a huge amount of our time and energy to dating. Yes, we need to make dating a priority and be willing to accommodate the opportunities that come our way. Still, you are not ONLY someone who is dating.
When parents talk to their children as if they have a mind of their own and treat their children as individuals, they encourage children to look at others as individuals with their own feelings and emotions.
By Alter Yisrael Shimon Feuerman
Leah’s father yawned and sat up and banged a hand on the dashboard. This car, zul’n zein a kapara – should be an atonement for all my sins.
I cannot say one definitive thing that will end the shidduch crisis, but we definitely have to work on being open minded and stopping to pigeon hole everyone.
I think singles everywhere can safely assume that when we encounter them, we are all truly hoping and praying that they meet their right match soon.
By Alter Yisrael Shimon Feuerman
It pleased Leah’s father that the Rosh HaYeshiva had accorded him such respect. He was beside himself with pleasure.
It is terrifying to see our parents age. We want our parents to age because that means we have them for longer. It is so special to have the zechus to have parents, but it is difficult to know what to do when we are faced with challenging decisions.
You have been blessed to meet your right match and you are now preparing to spend your lives together. Yet, now that the excitement of your dating and engagement has waned somewhat, you are feeling unsure of how to proceed.
Many of the challenges and subsequent skills necessary for sleepaway camp are relevant for young men and women who go to yeshivos and seminaries in Israel after high school.
By Alter Yisrael Shimon Feuerman
Yankel was hurt by Leah’s remark, only more so because it was true. The chabura was a motley, ragtag crew. To even call them a chabura was an embarrassment.
I don’t want you to minimize the devotion that your mother demonstrates to her family. Closeness and devotion are very important. As Jewish mothers we all struggle with some degree of enmeshment.
You are in a difficult position. While I commend your commitment to meeting new people by attending events, the lack of a matchmaker seems to ultimately be slowing you down.
Social skills or interpersonal skills include verbal language, as well as our tone of voice, volume, inflection, and choice of words. They also include body language, gestures, and other non-verbal communication methods.
By Alter Yisrael Shimon Feuerman
He couldn’t make up his mind if this was beautiful or ugly. Women – the torture of women!
It is interesting that you now appreciate how the chassidim date. Many people who are not from the chassidishe world cannot understand or fathom that a couple can get engaged after three meetings and be happy together.
Of course, you could meet your future husband next week, but realistically you know that there is no timetable, and you can’t help but feel the road shift, leaving you waiting at the curb.
The process of shidduchim can be a challenging and complex journey for young individuals. Navigating the expectations of family and community, as well as developing effective communication and social skills, can be daunting for many individuals in the shidduch process.
No spouse can make you happy. You have to find happiness within yourself and then you can build a loving relationship.
You are not the first couple to mesh differing backgrounds. Many have created families enriched by the flavors of both of their childhoods to create beautiful homes.
By Alter Yisrael Shimon Feuerman
Yankel was puzzled. He was young, he was old. It didn’t feel like a compliment either way. Now he wasn’t to talk about it – but they were full steam ahead anyway.
October 30, 2026 
