יום ראשון, ט״ז תשרי תשפ״זSunday, September 27, 2026
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Use this as an opportunity to widen your circle. Share meals with new people, attend community events, and visit new places. This will allow you to meet people who are not in your direct social circle who may have new dating possibilities for you.
I appreciate your willingness to put in the work. You are happy to do the “right thing.” You just don’t know what that is anymore.
Yes, there are those who have unrealistic expectations and standards, both men and women alike. It is important to be able to compromise and never settle. But that is a whole other topic.
As members of Klal Yisrael, I would hope that we would all offer empathy and compassion. Telling someone NOT to feel is not our way. Discouraging someone from feeling sad or mad or hurt doesn’t work. It doesn’t erase feelings.
In some situations, divorce is the best solution; however, there are too many divorces due to interfering in-laws, immaturity in the couple, and other factors that can be remedied. I believe that many of the marriages that end in divorce can be saved.
First, you need to believe in the system. You need to have faith in your parents and their research. You need to have confidence in their understanding of you and your wants and needs.
Our shidduch crisis is challenging. This column is my effort to make a dent in the crisis.
We don’t have to establish that you love your sister and you want to see her happy. We take this as fact. Regardless, the sadness, shame, and anger for feeling this way are eating at you.
I do understand and empathize with singles who do not wish to go out unless they think that the suggestion makes sense as it is extremely frustrating to meet somebody that is totally incompatible at all right from the outset of the first date.
No couple has a completely seamless dating experience. None. Sure, some daters go through this process with ease and some struggle, but regardless, there is no perfect dating journey.
A guy who immediately suggests that you change in order to meet their approval is not someone you can keep in your life.
It is important to understand why some children struggle with stealing and lying so you can handle these situations appropriately and help your son navigate what he may be feeling.
A toxic friend will not be happy for you when something good happens to you or when you get something new. Someone who truly loves you will celebrate your happiness. Toxic friends do not.
The goal of dating is to get to know someone better, to build a relationship, to get engaged, and to iy”H get married. This should mostly be an insular experience between two people. Yet, we live in a world that loves to share and impress.
We must all prioritize our time and be sensitive to others. During the time that we are working on ahavas chinam, let us all try to work harder on not ignoring others when we are with them and really being present, without the distraction of a phone.
You had this upcoming year planned, and part of that included dating. Now you worry that this might not be the correct decision. Should time be factored into your hope to date and if so when would it be right?
If we really are living in the times of Mashiach, how can we think Mashiach can possibly come when even Orthodox Jews do not treat each other well?
In some way every student comes home a bit changed – hopefully improved, and ready to tackle a new and exciting time in life. Sometimes that change is more significant, more obvious to our family and friends – perhaps in the way we dress, speak, or in a newfound commitment to Torah study.
It takes a certain sensitivity to do marital therapy. The therapist should try to put themselves in the client’s shoes and try to be careful not to open up issues that the couple will have to live with later and not have the tools to deal with.
You see your date’s internal beauty and you are not bothered by a lack of the typical commercial good looks we are taught to value. But you worry that you will be influenced by the subtle judgment you expect from those that know you.
Even though my parents tried so hard to be amazing parent, my sister just understood me better.
Strengthen your relationship with Hashem. Daven, connect, and bolster your emunah. Ask Hashem for what you want, ask for the strength and the wisdom to recognize what is right for you, and make sure your connection is real and sure.
Of all the things that we can give our children, self-esteem is the most important.
You don’t need a girl who see you and sees short. You need a girl who sees you and understands that you are everything she ever hoped for.
Being a people-pleaser is not necessarily a bad thing, but it becomes difficult when you feel you have to avoid conflict at all costs.
Women are generally more sensitive and astute and the fact that you seem happier and more vibrant may be upsetting to your daughters. Perhaps, they were Daddy's girls, so this is hard for them to see.
In the beginning, perhaps you appreciated the input and research your parents offered, but now things have changed. You are less reliant on their suggestions and opinions and trust yourself to make good dating choices.
Maybe it was true! Maybe they only loved me because of all the joy that I give them. Maybe they don't really love me for myself!
While marriage is holy and beautiful, it is also a huge responsibility. It is a parents’ duty to make sure that their child is physically, emotionally, and mentally prepared for this lifetime commitment.
It is best to make lifestyle changes and seek guidance from health care practitioners on how to deal with the weight issues in your life and your family's life.
I’m sure you are a wonderful guy, and clearly, you are not to blame for the uneven balance of our dating system where girls seem to be the underdogs. You want to date right, but there is a limit on the excitement you can conjure when every date feels so similar.
If earworms are causing you significant distress it is important to seek professional help. This could be a sign of underlying anxiety or Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD).
More likely, the shadchanim and your family and friends are making valuable suggestions that your ego refuses to consider.
If you want happiness for an hour, take a nap. If you want happiness for a day, go fishing, if you want happiness for a year, inherit a fortune, if you want happiness for a lifetime, help somebody.
We forget to look in the mirror to acknowledge our beauty and successes, and instead, open every window to let in our failures and disappointments.
Keeping a journal has also been found to be helpful in remediating homesickness. When writing, it’s important that your daughter focus on the positive and all of the fun that she is experiencing.
If your parents are not the right resource right now, find someone who is. This can be a Rebbetzin, an aunt, a close family friend, or a therapist. It’s true that many kallahs feel nervous after getting engaged and it is possible that you are simply one of them.
Prioritizing other people‘s needs can lead to burn out and neglecting your own emotional and physical well-being.
We tell ourselves every day that mistakes define us and shape us and in turn they hold us back from improvement and change. But what if you ate the cake, enjoyed it, but ultimately decided that it was not in your best interest?
Dedicating small mitzvos you do in your father’s memory can also be helpful. It doesn't have to be large things. Every mitzvah can be something special for your father.
Perhaps, you feel closer on one date and less so on another. This is common, and patience and some encouragement can be all that we need. That being said, when we actively notice that we like someone less and less as we date, we need to recognize and take note.
Some people may think it is cruel to not marry a boy because of their family background, but be forewarned: even if he is remorseful about the way he treats his mother, he will most certainly repeat it with you.
It is so exciting that you have met someone that you are contemplating a future with. But with Pesach and the spotlight on minhagim and customs, you now see your differences in a new light. You worry that this will be an adjustment you might never be ready for and may be too much to take on.
You are likely having anxious thoughts. These thoughts are probably swimming around your mind all day and are exacerbating your anxious feelings. Once you identify your anxious thoughts, you will need to reframe them and create more logical, non-anxious thoughts, which you will use to start getting your anxiety under control.
Dear Dating Coach, I am not going home for Pesach. Nothing you say will convince me to change my mind. I am dating someone pretty new in the city that I am currently living in and I want to continue dating him over Pesach. My family lives quite a distance away. So, I have […]
It is crucial that the couple should not leave the session in a state of anger. Instead, it is best to focus on positive things in the marriage and work on the deeper, more problematic issues separately.
Your inability to see past a picture, a number (both height and weight!) your impudence over color preference, and your arrogance in creating a Ken doll just for you, will leave you not only without a date, or mate, but a future based on Torah values.
It is very hard to help someone who hoards. People who hoard may not realize that their behavior is potentially unhealthy or dangerous or they may know but feel uncomfortable speaking about it with others.
You like him. You really do. You have had a great time together. You connected. Your parents did extensive research. They know he has qualities that they felt made him worthy of you. You have spent time together. Now, trust yourself. Trust the process.
Of course organization and being prepared will lower your anxiety, but what is just as important is teaching your brain that Pesach cleaning does not have to be anxiety provoking.
There is an art to communication, where you truly listen, absorb and then discuss what you have heard. You cannot leave or walk out when you don’t like the discussion.
I am not sure what your financial situation is, but it may be a good idea to get some professional help to aid your wife in her situation.
Take the time to self-reflect on your growth and sense of responsibility. Are you capable, emotionally stable, and grounded? Assess your ability to navigate the world around you, to stay the course during challenges, and to take care of yourself. If you feel like you have those in the bag, you are probably ready to date.
This article is written leilui nishmas Sarah Shaindel bas Yitzchask Shraga HaLevi.
Nobody will care about his resume or yours. Nobody will gape at your age difference. And nobody will ask how you could have dated a teacher. EVERYBODY will be too busy admiring your blessed connection and your wonderful happiness.
It would also be prudent to limit the information you share with your parents. This will help you limit the opinions you get. This may be hard if you are used to sharing everything with your mothers and if you are close with them.
We should care about our appearances and do what we want to make us feel good both inside and out. What this might mean to one person might be different to another.
Share your own experiences with overcoming challenges to show vulnerability and resilience.
Take a deep breath. You are doing so well. Dating someone you like, and feeling positive about your dates is huge. Everything was going nicely until your sister’s blanket statement about timelines and expectations through you off course.
While it may appear to these people that by getting their way they are winning the battle, they are, in fact, losing the war. In other words when people behave this way, they may temporarily get their way, but ultimately, they can lose the relationship.
You need to be fully engaged on your dates. Make eye contact, allow your body language to showcase your interest, and listen carefully to what your date is saying. Show them that you are fully present and happy to be with them.
We all have to make this choice. We can wallow in self-pity or we can do whatever we can to deal with our challenges.
There is no room for arrogance in dating. There will always be someone prettier, richer, smarter, and more talented than you. There will always be a girl who is more than you. If you do not see these girls, and only see those that are less than you, read this article carefully.
A dater must always have an open mind. Objectivity and humility are central to dating and there are certainly times when we can lose ourselves in the exhaustion of it all.
As a grandparent, it is definitely a huge gift to give your children time to get away; however, you also have to know your limits.
Reflect on the moments where he yelled or screamed. You may notice that there are even more instances than you originally noticed.
Driving in the tri-state area can be very difficult. There is a lot of traffic and impatient drivers. I think for all of us who drive, we feel the constant frustration in dealing with so much craziness on the road.
While this is not simple, it is certainly possible. While, you may see that you are less malleable, you may notice that you are wiser, and more focused on what truly matters in building a happy life.
The truth is that we can’t improve the situation without working on ourselves. Every person only has the power to change themselves.
The dynamic of talking in shul during prayer or the reading of the Torah, when all is said and done is, with regard to many congregants, a conscious willingness to pervert the fundamental spiritual decorum.
It is inappropriate to date two girls at once. This applies to any number of dates that have passed. It’s wrong and there is no way to change that.
It seems like Hashem gave you important things in life that money can’t buy. He gave you a special husband and a good family. These brachos are invaluable. Money does not buy happiness.
Sit down for a minute. Just one minute, because this is going to be hard for you to hear. Date him. Date him with intention and an open mind and heart. Focus entirely on him when you date and give him the best version of you filled with enthusiasm and positivity.
First try to figure out what is making your husband angry. He may have an issue with anger in general, but perhaps you can isolate the trigger points.
It's okay not to attend. You don’t need to give a reason. You can just say that you wish her the greatest happiness but you won’t be able to fly in. That’s it. No explanation necessary.
The most important thing is to keep reminding yourself that you are okay and safe to try to not encode this experience in a traumatic way.
People look different in person, and you know… when they are not two dimensional. People look different after we talk to them, after we connect with them, and certainly after we LIKE them.
You cannot blame your parents who probably suffer silently with the same situation. Please speak to your mechanechet who probably is not aware of your situation. Perhaps she can set up some kind of activity (even a chesed activity) that will foster friendships.
While this is someone you really like, someone you even imagined marrying, you are not comfortable in this place of indecision. You don’t want to make a mistake by dismissing the person who could potentially be your zivug, but you are also not happy to live without any form of real commitment.
We are Jews dating Jews. Regardless of your background or hashkafa, right or left, black hat or baseball cap, look for someone who believes in Da'as Torah.
They found that sharing similar personality traits does not necessarily mean that a relationship will be more satisfying; however, perceiving that you are more similar will usually predict more satisfaction in a relationship.
It is possible that this couple is not meant for one another. It’s possible that they will be better off going their own ways and finding different matches. It’s possible that their son knows absolutely that his feelings will never change.
Try hard not to overwhelm your kids when you talk to them or make them feel bad about their behavior.
You feel like you are close to an engagement and understandably want and expect the support of your family and friends. Yet, they are refusing to give you their blessing and have expressed concern instead.
I am more often than not of the belief that another chance is the way to go. If the possibility even exists that this could be your match, you are looking at a lifetime of connection and happiness at best.
Everyone is put in this world to fulfill a mission. We do not know what anyone’s mission is, and we must try to see everyone as a creation of Hashem and to treat everyone with the respect they deserve.
Dating can be easy for some. They date one boy or two, they connect, build a relationship, and soon after they create a home and a family. For others, dating becomes complicated.
It is hard to break negative cycles in life. However, you chose to break the negative cycle by working to support your family and loving your wife and children, so that your children are able to grow up in an emotionally healthy home.
The solution is to stop going home. Just kidding. That would be a terrible solution. Instead, go home and have a sentence of appreciation at the ready.
While I can give you tips on how to do this, it appears that you already have created a good, loving, and fun life where you give to others and you have close relationships.
You need to take yourself into account. You need your family now, their love, and the comfort and food from home. You need to spend time with family, and you need rest. This matters too. This matters more.
Some people view dating like they would, sitting in traffic, or a in a parking lot. They believe you need to wholly focus on dating and getting married, and once you have accomplished that, you can expand and grow. So, they go to work and come home.
The fact that you realize this need is exacerbated due to your struggle with self-esteem is helpful.
Baruch Hashem you have a devoted husband, caring children and grandchildren. Although it is challenging to depend on others, you must be grateful that you are not alone and there are others around who care about you.
What I find to be most objectionable however, is your statement, People today believe, (especially wives) if I make money that means I’m equal to a man. Bless your heart.
Do you and your husband have any common interests? Maybe you can come up with some activities you both enjoy to do together without phones. Does your husband have any of his own hobbies or interests? Maybe you can encourage your husband to try hobbies that do not involve screens, like sports.
What an uncomfortable burden to carry! You believe that you have become a responsible and well-liked adult with good character and middos. Yet, you still worry about becoming the spouse you watched in your home.
I think the reason that the guys are not able to validate your argument however, is not because they can’t agree on your delineated list of chores. I believe instead, that your fifty-fifty attitude is probably holding them back.
Don’t say things to yourself that you would not say to a good friend. Be understanding, gentle, accepting, and loving to yourself as you would with someone else that you care about.
You family has done you a disservice in not being more transparent about the money that they earn to afford the lifestyle that they have raised you in and the effort that it takes for them to get there. Life in expensive.
September 25, 2026 
